Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I wrong... (long)

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, I got pregnant really fast with his child so I really didn't have a good chance to get to know him, The pregnancy was accidental but still I have stuck through with him for much longer then It would have ever lasted with out our child involved. I dont have the same feelings for him, He is really controlling he wont let me have friends besides my parents and he has cheated on me 3 times. I told him it was over last night and I still wanted him in his sons life but he put this huge guilt trip on me! I feel horrible but I dont think i should be miserable just to keep him in my sons life. He swears its another man but its really not.. I dont know what to do anymore!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Oh honey I am so sorry you are going through this. Stick to your guns no one should stay in a relationship for the kids. Don't let him make you feel guilty. No one can decide how you are going to feel, how you choose to talk to yourself about what someone else's says or does determines how you feel. He is the one who blew it by trying to control you and cheating on you. Ask yourself this would you want your son to grow up and treat women the way your SO treats you?? If the answer is no then you know what you have to do. Don't allow him to manipulate you lean on your family and friends for support and take charge of your life again. You can do it.

    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 8:27 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I"m so sorry you've stayed with him this long. Good thing being that you told him it was over. You gave it a shot and if this is what he's done with it than leave him. If he's guilting you about your son, forget him. Your son dose not need that influence in his life. Good luck to you and stay strong.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 8:32 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I would leave him, in an instant. The longer you stay, the harder it will be for you to "get away" from him. Their is going to be a lot of turmoil when your child gets older, and I wouldn't think you would want your son to be around to see that! If he has cheated on you, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. He is controlling, you don't need that either. Right now what you need is SUPPORT from others, to give you the courage to leave him! Good Luck, and be strong for you and your little guy!
    ali_1107

    Answer by ali_1107 at 8:36 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but you are better of leaving. I was in a relationship just like you and it turned abusive in everyway possible, so please if not for you for your child leave now. you will find mr. right I have and we're getting married this year.

    GOOD LUCK to you!!
    Tee521

    Answer by Tee521 at 9:30 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • What a mess. How I wish that someone had taught you that there is a reason why the first thing you do when you are looking for a mate is to judge his character. I also wish you had been taught that the reason you do that before you get married, have sex and make babies is to make sure that your children have a father and not just a sperm-donor. Almost any man can donate sperm. Only men of character can be husbands and fathers. I also wish that you had been taught that there is a vast difference between love and sex. Again, almost anyone can have sex without commitment. Love and marriage with sexual intimacy is a union indescribable. Please don't ever again let yourself be deceived into thinking there is not a difference in living with some guy and being married to a man who loves you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:30 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Wow NannyB..... That helped,lol
    She's obvioulsy young and scared....
    She's looking for a solution not a lecture.
    The best thing to do was in the previous posts, get out now, let him prove himself as a father because he obviously doesn't make a good partner. He needs to sort out his life as well..
    Good luck to you, and do seek help from the people who truly love you....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I agree with almost all of the other answers. It's good to get out now, especially since the child isn't here yet. The child won't have to see you and him fighting (unless you guys can't work things out as co-parents).

    The part of him being controlling is why he thinks there is another man. Controlling men like to say bad things about the girl to make themselves feel and maybe even look better. No woman deserves to go through that. Take care of yourself and your unborn child! You both come first.
    lalmond67r

    Answer by lalmond67r at 10:42 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Making you feel guilty is just another form of control through manipulation. Don't fall for his bs. Do what is right for you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:19 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • from the sounds of it he's not really ready to be a father anyways. Tell him it's up to him, but you have only one priority in your life and that is your son. If he wants to be a part of the boys life, that is up to him, and if he needs a paternity test, fine, let him get it. Tell him that he helped create this child, and he has a choice to make, to be in the boys life (finacially and emotionally), or to walk away now. As for your relationship with him, I would just leave. If he has cheated 3 times already, then he is not going to stop, and you don't need that kind of a man in your life, you deserve better.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:19 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I'm so sorry to hear what U R going through. It is such a difficult road when you R the one actually going through it. The other girls R right though, &I think U know that in your heart. You have to stand your ground & be strong for YOU & your son. You R smart & you deserve better. Don't stay with this man who will bring you down day after day & hurt you on so many levels. Tune him out when he says the things that hurt you & look in the mirror & remind yourself of the wonderful woman U R. You gave him so much of your life already - it's time to get it back. You have no idea what kind of happiness is waiting for you out there. GO GET IT! You will be doing your son a great justice by raising him to be a great Father one day - & he won't get that if you stay. Be strong and follow your instincts. They are NEVER wrong! Good luck and keep your head up!! Hugs ~

    AllisonKarpnski

    Answer by AllisonKarpnski at 1:01 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN