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how to fix a marriage??

I need help on how to fix my marriage...What do u guys do when things get REAL bad....or are upset and just wana leave?? What makes things better and fall back in love. I dont wana run away from this....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Is there physical abuse?

    Does your husband realize there are issues?
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 8:31 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • COMMUNICATION. If my husband and I get into a HUGE fight, we usually say to eachother, "Look we need to talk about this...." and we sit down without distractions (usually when the kids go to bed-that way we get some time to "clear" our heads and think of everything that we really want to say) and we talk honestly. One of us talks the other listens, and then we switch. It can be hard to hear what is said, as it can be hard to say things. But it needs to be done. And when the conversation is over...you always end it with, "I love you."
    Lacey1012

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 8:45 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • And if you want to work things out, then you figure out where to go from there. There is always couple's therapy (which my husband and I talked about doing in the very beginning-even before we got married--there was a bad situation and the trust was virtually gone)...bringing back the romance (do what you did when you guys were just dating)....but above all communication is honestly the key.
    Lacey1012

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 8:45 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • No abuse...My hubby is a great guy. He works hard and never goes out or doesnt drink. But he works out of town and he always chooses work over me and the DD. He knows we are having trouble we have agreed on divorce...but I just feel like we would both regret that.

    I ask the quesion
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Ah yes. I understand about the being out of town a lot. My husband was out of town for much of our time together, including when the children were little. And he'd go in weekends, and stay late in the evening, and miss holidays with us, and be away when there was illness. Yet we knew he loved us and that he felt he was doing well by us to have a steady job and to provide for us. When we've had rocky times, he will sit with me and talk. We use the rules that I had read about somewhere- never call names, keep the discussion to the present problem, and describe the problem as your own problem - such as it makes me nervous when you.... instead of you are doing this wrong. (more)
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:12 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • What we did to help with that feeling of closeness was to go on weekend trips within easy driving distance. We'd stay in a place with some touristy stuff and walk around hand in hand and have dinner and then relax in the B&B or hotel and talk. It sounds as though you have a wonderful man. One in a million. Keep him if you can. Think about his good points. Here's an idea- make a list of his good points- reasons you like him, and his bad points, reasons you dislike him. or things about him that make you happy, and things that make you unhappy.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:12 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • You can think back to the time when you decided that this was the man you wanted to live with for the rest of your life. Remember those things that you saw then that you so admired, and admire them again. Tell him what you admire about him. You can also ask him what it is that you do that makes him feel the most love from you, and then you can begin again to do those things. When things get rough, we have the tendency to start thinking about ourselves and what we need and what we aren't getting. What really needs to happen is that you should start thinking more about what you can do for him. It is an amazing truth that we find ourselves more in love than before, and I'm pretty sure that he will reciprocate.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:16 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Does he choose work over you?  He may feel like he doesn't have a choice because maybe he will lose his job, or you need the money to make ends meet.  Many couples find that raising young children is the most financially difficult time of their lives.  You should try talking to him about it.  Start by talking to him about his job and the politics involved at work to get a better understanding of what it is like for him.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:38 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • And remember to make your hubby feel appreciated... A man will base his worth on how he takes care of his loved ones.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Answered at 10:00 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 by: Anonymous
    totally agree, if a man feels like he is not appreciated, he will turn to other things. He may feel like he is more appreciated at work than at home. Do something really specially just for him.. get a sitter, take him out to a place he would love, and just make a day for him. Sometimes just showing how much you care, can open a man up.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:15 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

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