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Question for first moms

Have you ever asked your child's adoptive parents for money after the adoption have taken place? What do you think of this? We have been asked 2 times for money and both times felt very uncomfortable with it and have said no. We know if we did there would be alot more "next time's". We have given phone cards before but this was significant amounts of money, that was promised to be paid back in a few days but with no jobs we knew it would be a gift. I feel awful because we love them but don't want to enable. Anyone have any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on May. 14, 2012 in Adoption

Answers (12)
  • Birth mom. No I didn't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • – collapse
    Lol I'd be cutting them off and out of my life ASAP.

    This is why I love closed adoptions.
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 4:20 PM on May. 14, 2012 (hidden) + expand

  • Do you know what they need the money for? If it is for food, give them a list of resources in their area that helps with groceries.. If you don't mind giving them a little for gas or groceries, go woth them and pay for them, so you know for sure that is what the money is going towards...

    Thankfully our bfamily is out of state and we only have a semi open adoption...
    TiffyTaffyApple

    Answer by TiffyTaffyApple at 6:08 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • Do they have any close relatives in their lives? I wonder if perhaps they are looking toward you as a parental figure to them and are, themselves, viewing it as no different than asking a parent for money.

    We have never been asked by DD's BMom for money and, even if we would be, we would not give it. Her mom even admitted to not handing them over money when asked for saying they were out of diapers (or whatever)...she said she'd just buy them diapers (or whatever) instead because she was sure the money would not have been used that way.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 6:56 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • No way would I give my son's bm money!
    iwicked

    Answer by iwicked at 10:48 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • As birth mother - no I never asked for money before, during or after the adoption. I can't even imagine doing that.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:04 PM on May. 16, 2012

  • I supposedly paid bail money for my child's bmom. She called and said that if she went to jail she would lose her job and lose her other child to the state permanently (she already only had limited custody).
    We paid and then found out the next day that it was a complete con. That was the last time we gave her anything financially.

    You think things like that dont happen in domestic adoptions but they happen more than you think.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on May. 16, 2012

  • It's supposed to be for rent, but I know its not going there. I think they do look up to us as parents, and that's why even though hard I need to step back and let them do it themselves. Money is spent on things they don't need all the time and then they say they have no money. I just wish they didn't put us in that position to have to say no. i worry they will walk away if we don't, but that can't be a held over us forever.
    I know a closed adoption would be easier as far as this goes but I will never close it because i am uncomfortable. I believe in open adoption and all the flaws that come with, my child is worth it all.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:50 PM on May. 16, 2012

  • "I know a closed adoption would be easier as far as this goes but I will never close it because i am uncomfortable. I believe in open adoption and all the flaws that come with, my child is worth it all. " *applause*
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 4:56 PM on May. 18, 2012

  • No never.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:59 PM on May. 29, 2012

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