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If my husband keeps on doing what he has been doing, hes gonna end up killing himself, or end up in the hospital due to exhaustion! I am sorry, kinda long....

Ok ya'll, just bear with me, heres a little back ground... Back in mid-March, my FIL was put into the hospital due to a aortic tear in the upper portion of his heart. He was put into ICU and had to get a tracheotomy to help him breathe better. Well lately he seems to be getting better and his doc decides he good enough to be put into select care. The 3x after he is put into select care something bad happens and hes put back into ICU. The 1st was a feeding tube got loose and the nurse on 3rd shift ignored his complaint of pain in his stomach and the 1st shift nurse saw what was wrong and they had to perform an emergency surgery to clear out the food that all around his insides. 2 other times something else goes wrong. So my dh is stressed about that. 2x times his dad almost dies. Now his brother wants to get a DNR signed, just in case.

Then my dh got a job, while we were thankful he was able to get a job, the catch was he had to work 7 days a week to even get 30 hrs. Sunday through Thursday he gets paid $9.25 an hr and Fridays and Saturday its $11.50 an hr. The 2nd night of work is when his dad was put into the hospital and he called off, and the next night he found out he was written up. If my dh gets more then 20 pts in a year, he will be fired. The write up cost him 4 pts. Then he finds out, when you call off if you are sick, or in an emergency whatever, you are written up. If you are gone for more then a day then you need a note from the doctor, but the points still stay. How fucked up is that?

So now here is my problem, he has been been working 7 days a week, he schedule is from 8pm to 1am Sunday thru Thursday, 8pm -2am Friday and Saturday. He gets home at about 2am thru the week, 3am on the weekends. Then he is back up at 11am, and at the hospital everyday, I mean everyday until 5pm then he comes home to eat dinner, relax then go to work. He has done every day since March. Our 3 yr old daughter barely gets to see him except for about an hr at night and he is tired and she wants to play with him. He is heading towards a break down, I can see it, I have been there done that, I have told him as such, he ignores me, or we fight. I ask him to just spend a few minutes with our dd, don't have to be all day, an hr or so would make her happy. I have forgot what sex felt like. He get grouchy as a bear with a thorn in his paw. We need things done here at home. Examples like we need breaks on my car, the oil changed, the grass mowed.

I don't know how do any of that, and its way to expensive for us to get someone to do it, and I am allergic to grass. And yes that sucks soooooooo bad! I am trying to help, but I don't know how. Please someone give me advice...anything!!!

Sorry its so long..

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Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:18 PM on May. 14, 2012 in Relationships

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • PS....ladies, I am not trying to be selfish, really I am not. I don't care if he doesn't do anything, but its starting to show with our daughter, she goes into meltdown when he has to leave, and she doesn't see until the next day for maybe a hour. And that breaks my heart when she runs to the window yelling for daddy. I gate that more then anything. :(
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 4:22 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • There are times in our lives when what we want is not nearly important as what he have to do. It will work out, you need to continue to be the supportive spouse and do everything you can during this family crisis.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:23 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • I think you need to sit with him and explain that 1 day off from the hospital won't change anything, he needs to focus on the job right now, and although crappy timing, I am sure his Dad would want all of you to be put first. I would have his brother talk to him as well, so sorry momma!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:24 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • PARAGRAPHS.
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 4:26 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • I would probably be upset too..but he knows his dad is dying and is trying to deal with it. Just try not to say anything to him because it will add stress on him. Maybe he will come around on his own. Maybe you could offer spending the time with dad while he rest at home..that way maybe he would have time for chores
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:28 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • Ok FFA...is that better?? lol

    Shay...his dad isn't dying, unless a nurse screws up again like last time. And me and his dad don't exactly see eye to eye, and he is an alcoholic. A while back, I over heard him calling me a slut cause I got pregnant outside of marriage. And no I didn't tell my husband. His dad doesn't like me.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 4:37 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • oh, well why does your dh feel the need to be by his side 24/7? maybe you should ask him? Maybe this just scares your dh.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:40 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • I know you all have a good marriage, when he gets home today run him a nice bath, and just talk to him. I would maybe ask the neighbor to mow your yard, in exhange for something like babysitting or a home-cooked meal.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:53 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • Shay...Ya I Have asked him, he really didn't reply to it, but I think he thinks he needs to because he feels a sense of duty perhaps.

    Kim...We don't have a bathtub!! :( But that is a good idea on the rest of it!
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 4:57 PM on May. 14, 2012

  • You might consider having your DH apply for intermittent family medical leave. You would probably need something from the doctor stating that he is having medical issues that are ongoing for right now, but that way any time off he missed for his father would be covered under FMLA rather than counting against him for call offs. Good luck!
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 4:59 PM on May. 14, 2012

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