Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does anyone else have breast feeding envy?

I wasn't able to bf because my ducts are almost totally blocked because of scar tissue. I really feel like my son and I missed out and I'm so sad that I didn't have that bonding experience with him.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (18)
  • I am right there with you. I tortured myself for almost 2 years about my inability to breastfeed. I felt like a bad mom. And Lord knows I tried and tried and tried and tried to breastfeed to no avail. Then I found out a few months ago that I have Fibrocystic Breast Disease which is the main cause in my inability to breastfeed. The DR said, had I been able to breastfeed even a little bit it would have been mainly puss which grosses me out and makes me glad that I couldn't breastfeed my daughter.
    But I still have that twing of guilt in my stomach because I feel like as a woman, and mother, I failed at something that should have been a natural experience.
    As far as bonding with my daughter................ there was absolutely no problem there. Even though I had to bottle feed her.......we bonded. She is my heart and soul.

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 11:15 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Don't be so hard on yourself because of your medical condition that prohibited your ability to breastfeed. It doesn't dictate what kind of a mother you are, or how you care for your child. You dont love your child with your breasts, you love your child with your heart and soul. ((hugs))

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 11:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • breast feeding is great, sure. I do it. But to me it's not the way I bond to my baby. I bond with her by playing with her, reading her books, singing to her and kissing her. I know a lot of people love that connection, but to be honest I feel a lot closer to her by doing those other things.

    I'm sorry you weren't able to breastfeed, but just remember it's not what makes you a good mom.

    Answer by julipickle at 11:19 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • nope im happy that my baby isnt attached to me every hour! i still dont even feel free cuz he needs a bottle every 3 hrs. i dont feel like i missed anything

    Answer by Butterflysky_24 at 11:20 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I wasnt able to just because I didnt produce and I wish I could have. I tried for 6 weeks and as a first time mom I didnt know what to look for. I have a high pain tollerance so when people told me it hurt to BF and it didnt I didnt think much of it. My DD was losing weight rapidly and I couldnt understand it...she was ALWAYS on my boobs. It became clear to me WHY she was always hungry and losing weight when I started pumping and nothing came out. I am due in 4 weeks with #2 and I am going to try again, but this time I'll be a bit more educated on it. At first I held a grudge against myself, but since have relalized breastfeeding does not work for everyone and THAT IS OKAY!! More power to the women who can, but bottle fed babies are just as good as BF babies and I wont let anyone tell me any different!

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 11:20 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • LovinEveryDay, good for you. I hate when people bash moms on bottle feeding their babies. I'm glad you are at peace with it, and your baby is better off than if you kept trying to breast feed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Don't be so hard on yourself...just remember, at least you tried!!! I'm one of those "breastfeeding moms" that believes that breastfeeding is best, and I get so disgusted when mothers don't even try to breastfeed!! So props to you for trying! Its not your fault you have a medical condition that inables you to breastfeed! Your baby is getting fed either way. There are other bonding methods! Try removing your shirt when you bottle feed your baby, and just having skin to skin contact, I've heard that works for a lot of mommies who can't breastfeed but still want the "bonding experience!

    Answer by wishwish at 11:38 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • why do you need skin contact to bond?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • My children are preteen and teen and I am so sorry I didn't even try to breast feed. I wasn't a warm and fuzzy or fanatic bf mom then and nobody encouraged me because they all bottle fed. I wish my OB told me to try it and if I didn't like it, not to do it. I wish I had just tried tough. It is one regret I have about how I have lived my life. So, yes, I do.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:50 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • BTW, my children and I have a loving relationship. Like you, there was something in the way of the experience and it was just one of those things. I spent more time hugging and kissing because of it, I am sure. And that went a long way to bonding and them knowing I loved and love them. I will encourage them to bf, to try it but I won't get pushy if they don't want to. I wonder if there is someone in the world who might help you overcome your physical issue in some way, to even have a brief experience, even if it isn't the only way you will have to feed. Some professionals are very dedicated to these things, while every OB might not even know about it. I am not saying you could but I know crazy things in medicine happen like that. Either way, knowo that your baby is getting just what is needed and that nobody else could be that baby's mommy.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:56 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.