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How did you manage life with a just turned 18 year old? Curfews and such...

My dd will turn 18 about a month and a half before she leaves for college. I know legally she is considered an adult, but since she will still live here until college, and we do like to maintain a little bit of control, what kinds of limits would be reasonable to set. I am one to not sleep until my children are home safely. She has a job, uses our car...pays for 1/2 the ins and the most of the gas. She also has a boyfriend that she is quite serious about who will not graduate until next year. She does not drink or do drugs, but has been intimate with said bf. (as safely as possible for a teen) and will be legally able to drive him in our car...
I also have a 13 year old at home.
I just do not know what to expect! I don't want to wait up past 11 to be honest...lol.
And what about when the college kid comes home for the weekend? How did you handle this "stage"??
Thank you so much for any thoughts!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on May. 15, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (22)
  • My son turned 18 last July and is graduating this year. He sounds a lot like your dd. Our rules were basic. You are still in school and in the house so I expected grades to be maintained, phone calls if you will be late or spending the night elsewhere. If it is late call me so I am not worried or try and stay over whoseever friends you are at. No drugs. No drinking. No overnight guests of the opposite sex. Pay your bills. Go to work.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:00 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • I waited up. And greeted him at the door, so that he knew I'd be waiting up. I also said my house my rules.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:05 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • I don't have any 18 year old's yet, but when I still lived at home with my mom Mine was 11pm every single night. When I moved in with my bio dad I had to be in the house by I can't remember it was 10 or 11 on the weekdays, but on the weekends he would let me stay out until midnight. Reason he did this is cause him and my step mom worked during the week
    mommy5409

    Answer by mommy5409 at 8:07 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • This is what my dad said the week before I graduated High School, it's what I am going to say to my kids!!

    Give us a rough idea of who you're with, and where you are or where you're going. Call by 11-ish if you're not going to be home. Be smart, don't do anything stupid. You have responsibilities, don't shirk them (job, family, etc) b/c that will say more about your character then words ever will. Call if you need us... anytime, no matter what!!

    I still remember that talk with my Dad... he said he trusted my judgment and knew I wouldn't let him down. Best talk we ever had. After that I was very content in the knowledge that I was making him proud by being a responsible "adult"... still am ;o)
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 8:11 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • I worked hard to show my children how to respect others no matter what age they are. Once they turned 18 nothing changed. They still mentioned to me where they were going when they went out and when they'd be home. If they were not coming home that night, they told me. I didn't have curfews on them as adults. They were not big on staying out late. I told them to treat me as they would any other roommate. They did and I was ok with that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:13 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • It seems some of you were ok with your kids staying out all night...not sure if I will be ok with that at all, during this summer before college at least...I guess "adult" is a term with seems arbitrarily bestowed upon kids when they turn 18. Not that she isn't pretty responsible...but not coming home at night at this point would be worrisome. But, Crafty26, that is what my Dad, then a divorced parent, said to me. I was home every single night before 12. He did stay up, though.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:21 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • I just had to call if I wasn't coming home. I had a kid at 18 and was more then responsible when I had my ds with me. Sometimes we would just stay at friends and my close fiends had pack n plays at thir houses anyways. She's without child, I think she's responsible enough to stay out overnight, I mean she's gonna do it in college, you may as well start trusting her judgment now.
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 8:45 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • No 18 year old yet here, but my parents sat me down and had a long talk with me about curfew and what not. They basically told me that they couldn't control me after I left for college, but as long as I was living in their house I had to follow their rules ( I turned 18 January before I graduated high school). Those rules were no boys in my room, home by midnight, and making sure to take care of my responsibilities like job and what not. This was for the summer before college and every summer I stayed at their house when I came home and breaks etc. I was allowed to go camping etc and stay at other people's houses as long as I called, but if I wasn't staying somewhere I had to be home by midnight.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 8:50 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • My husband is the one who waited up for the kids. He could not go to bed if they were out. And they knew they better call if they were going to stay out with friends. We were friendly with their friends' parents and we all knew who's house they were at. Age didn't matter. If they were in our home, even for college breaks, we deserved a call. There was one time our son did not call and we still talk about that today when we get together! Dad was not a happy camper. That was over 13 years ago.
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 8:55 AM on May. 15, 2012

  • I guess "adult" is a term with seems arbitrarily bestowed upon kids when they turn 18.

    You have to look at it this way.... even though she is young she is an adult in societies eyes @ 18 and will be expected to act like one and function independently at college. If you hold the reins to tight right now and don't give her a taste of that kind of responsibility she might not know how to handle it once she is away at school. I've seen that way to often by parents that must remain in control or have trouble letting a child "grow up". You have to find the balance that works in your home... but do keep this in mind ;o). Good luck.

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:10 AM on May. 15, 2012

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