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What are some good tips to beat lonley depression with the husband?

I dont have any friends around here that i can hang out with, he sees his mom and sister EVERY DAY and talks to them EVERY DAY, he also has friends he hangs with at least once a week and talks to, i have a mom that i see about once a month and talk to about once a week and a dad i talk to EVERY DAY but see about once a week. I dont have friends because either the guys cant keep it just friends without hitting on me and i'm not a girly girl so i dont get along with a lot of women. I try and go out to the movies or something with him and he says we cant afford it. I try and get him to do free thigns like go to the park with me or somethign and hes not really into it much. I want to stay connected with him but hes more into going to his moms (i dont go ther because we do NOT get along) and being over there then he is to be with me or at home. Im very depressed and feel unwanted, even though he tells me he loves me.

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MommysZoo

Asked by MommysZoo at 12:27 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • My husband was a mommas boy when we first married. I was pretty blunt with him after a few months of him going to his moms everyday like your dh does. I asked him where do you live? He said here with you. I said then why do you spend so much time with your mom. Maybe you should move in with her and visit me. That got my point across and he stopped going over everyday.
    Now on the flip side you do need your own support system outside your husband. Its healthy and not healthy to rely on one person to be everything to you. Go to the park and make friends with other moms, join a gym, or look in the paper for events and meetings. Take a cake making class or flower arranging class. You can meet new people that way.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:30 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • where you from and search cafe moms for moms where ur from and i have the same problem with not having friends im not girl y girl either
    josalin

    Answer by josalin at 12:30 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I know what you are going through. Please make new friends. It is not healthy to make him your everything. You need to vent one on one. Or just experience life on your own and not have to meet his expectations and rules on life. GL, you are not alone.
    jareda69

    Answer by jareda69 at 12:45 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • The very best thing you can do is whenever he goes to Mama's house, go with him. You don't have to do anything except smile and be polite. You will never win him over to your side unless you are willing to be a part of what is important to him. And don't fuss about going and don't fuss about the way she is or any of the rest. I promise you that if he doesn't already see the truth about her, he will. And you can speed up the process by tagging along. He will love you more for showing your loyalty to him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:16 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I dont drive, cant afford another vehicle. I work one night a week and go to school two nights a week for a couple hours. I have tried to make new friends but it doesnt seem to last. I have told him multiple times about how i feel but he just tells me he loves his mom and wont give her up. The few friends i do have live out of state. Ive tried to join groups but thier schedule and ours dont mix. I pretty much have a bunch of pen pals but nobody to spend time with. If I had more nice time with my husband i'de be happier and it wouldnt hurt so much for him to be with his mom all the time. Sometimes when i want to do something with one of my family members he'll tell me we dont have the gas for it or he wants to do somethign else. But he always has the gas to do what he wants. Even if i give him gas money all week he'll still say we dont have enough. Im depressed over how things are turning out. we've been married for 7 years!
    MommysZoo

    Answer by MommysZoo at 1:17 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Tell him how to communicate he loves you. It sounds like time is your love language. Our hubby's may not be able to do anything or everything we want to feel loved but they need to do somethings.

    Now...About that mother thing! I would say, "I know you love your mother but I feel like SHE is the most important woman in your life because of how much time you spend with her. I want you to spend equal time, at least with me. I want to play a board game, read a book together, talk about our dreams, have a cup of coffee and read the headlines, have fun as a couple. That is something he is responsible for giving you as his wife. It's time for him to treat you right. You should never feel like you are competing with his mother! If he refuses, you have something to think about!
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 1:20 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I used to get along great with his mom. But then after a couple years she changed and everything wrong she did was torwards me, i tried to forgive and forget three diffren times nad then she always messes me over and calls me names nad makes threats. All he does is tell his mom that shes wrong and then tell me that i need to forgive her again and shes not begin herself. He always has an excuse for herlike she was drunk or shes going through her hcange of life or shes stressed or she doesnt know any better or shes not as smart as you. he doesnt defend me at all. So i dont go to her house. I'll wait outside in the van when he tells me hes "just running in" and it'll take him 20 minutes or more. I dont want to be abused or mistreated by her anymore so i dont go to her. He knows we used to get along. But hes still on her side.
    MommysZoo

    Answer by MommysZoo at 1:20 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • You need to find other women to befriend. You don't have to be a girl girl to have women friends. Do you belong to a house of worship? That is usually a place where there are women with children, in the same boat as you are. Many things are free and there is usually alot of contact with other families. You will feel lonely if he doesn't join you but if he does, great. If he doesn't, stick to the women and children actvities just so you aren't bored. In the summer for instance, you could volunteer for vacation bible school at a church. Your kids can have fun, get care, and you can find something just to get you out doing things and meeting people. Part of your loneliness is not having a life of your own.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 1:25 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • You need to have a driver's license and know how to drive.

    Church is a great idea - with a good youth program is best.

    Your husband is not going to "give up" his mother.

    Since you are taking classes, you may want to see if your school has a therapist that will help with some concrete building block skills.

    Good luck!
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:36 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I agree with manyof these ideas.. I also think that it's time for you to grow a backbone and stop giving him gas money. Tell him you're getting your license and when he goes to Mommy's you can take the car and do what you want to do. Stop letting him run your life- it is, after all, YOUR life. Go to the park with your kid(s). Focus more on them, and if you're really unhappy, leave. I know it's easier said than done, but it is always possible. Try to find friends in your area, church is wonderful even if you're not religious! There are wonderful people there.
    LishaBee

    Answer by LishaBee at 2:24 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

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