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4 Bumps

Throwing guilt in my face...

so i have this friend and i've known her for some time but not for like years or anything like that. anyway, she suddenly needed someplace to live because the renters where asking her to leave so i said she could stay with us for 19 days till her boyfriend gets out of jail and finds a place to stay. They had it planned out that she move back in with her old renters if she were to say she was sorry to them. it didnt work out. So she asked to stay another week because her boyfriend would talk to a guy that owns a farm and they'd move there. that didnt work out.

So now she's trying to find an apt to live in and thinks all the processing will get her to move in this weekend. According to my inlaws who love to kick up drama, said she was talking dirty about me but when i heard the accusations, it was all the stuff that she told me already so it was basically facts that they turned into a drama fest. anyway...

My husband told her she needs to be out this saturday while giving her an earful of her apparent dirty talk. I now warned her she can not talk to the inlaws because they love to twist things up. So today i get up and see on facebook "it sucks to know who your real friends are" and she texted me this morning "sorry it had to be this way"

so here i am ignoring it all. i thought we talked this over and we were "cool". i'm thinking she's shoving guilt in my face so i can say sorry and let her stay even longer....thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by americansugar80 at 9:24 AM on May. 16, 2012 in Relationships

Level 22 (12,423 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I would have her bags packed and ready when she gets home,, unless she has a child with her,,I probably wouldn't extend my friendship to her anymore, you have done enough, and it sounds like she has alot of growing up to do,, also I would most likely have my locks changed, boyfriend might want her to stir up some kind of trouble for you all.

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:28 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • The why of it really doesn't matter. She needs to go! Your husband has told her she needs to be out Saturday, so let him handle this from here on. Let her say or do whatever she wants. She's already gone back on her word several times, and she wants to make you feel guilty? I don't think I'd give her that satisfaction.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:32 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • thank you! i thought i'd get bashed because many people say "your apparently not a good friend" on here like a lot.

    Comment by americansugar80 (original poster) at 9:37 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • "i thought i'd get bashed"
    You don't know us very well. We Never encourage anyone to tattoo doormat on their forehead!

    Answer by feralxat at 10:00 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • I got stuck on a tangent. Even when it is the truth, friends should not talk about things that put you in a less than favorable light. You say she was saying bad stuff, but it was true. that is no excuse. a true friend does not share information, true or otherwise, that is hurtful to you. This girl is not your friend.

    Also, friends don't say passive aggressive things about you in public forums, i.e. Facebook.

    I would reply to her text, "i'm sorry too." I would ignore the FB post. After she leaves on Saturday, I would not associate with her any more.

    Answer by zetajen at 10:08 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • I think I'd be done with the friendship. You say she talked dirty about you, which with the rest of what you said, is basically that she went around and told people bad stuff about you that was true. True or not, you don't go around talking about your friends, especially when they have graciously allowed you to live in their home. The fact that she did that tells me one of two things:

    1. She doesn't know how to be a friend (which in this case is reason enough to end the friendship)

    2. She was never your friend to begin with, she was just using you.

    I wouldn't respond to either the Facebook post or the text. They're both attempts to get you to feel like you did something wrong and you didn't. Ignore her. Get her out of your house and be done with her.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:59 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • the thing was one day i said to her "what if her bf is having her stay here and thats how he is breaking up with her?" and she couldnt get a hold of him for a while one day and she let it all get to her head and it scared her. She went to the inlaws and said i was putting into her head that her bf was trying to break up with her so i mean...thats what they thought she was talking dirty about.

    the other thing was that she was saying if we needed money for her staying with us, she has plenty of it

    Comment by americansugar80 (original poster) at 11:24 AM on May. 16, 2012

  • Sugar, I suspect if the boyfriend was in jail she'd have been better off with a breakup.

    YOU are better off without her.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:40 PM on May. 16, 2012

  • wow sounds very passive agressive and reverse psychology gone bad on her end. It backfired and made her look like a user , which is alll she is to you. A friend would not backtalk behind your back to anyone esp. not the inlaws and in your own home no less. Wow, she needs to get a life and get out of yours....

    Answer by jossstone1969 at 2:36 PM on May. 16, 2012

  • She's manipulating you. Kick her out, you've done enough.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:26 PM on May. 16, 2012

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