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Would you forgive your mom?

My mom is a compulsive liar. She lies about EVERYTHING - what she had for lunch included. Lies vary - She's told many painful lies about me for no reason - she's told ppl she's in witness protection!

She took off when I was 14 and moved several states away. She didn't ask if I wanted to come with her, just took my bros and hopped on a plane. She visited once when I was 17 and hasn't been back since. Over time she has slowly stopped talking to me (mostly because I am about the ONLY person who doesn't allow her to lie) and I haven't really talked to her in the last 3 years.

She's now trying to re-start a relationship with me, and I'm not sure if I should take her back. SO many times in the last decade she's convinced me that she wants to change and that I'm important to her (I've learned not to need her - didn't even tell her I was pregnant with my DD).

If she were anyone else I'd cut her off.
What would you do?

 
Katrinka_Renee

Asked by Katrinka_Renee at 2:52 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Take your relationship w/ her as superficial as you can. She is obviously mentally ill in order to randomly lie for no reason. Be honest w/ her & tell her that she has hurt you so bad that you it's hard to be close with her, and that you can't trust her because of all her lies. Tell her there will be no re-connecting yet, she decided to give up on that oppurtunity already. But, forgive her. It will help heal your pain. Treat her as an aquantance, and maybe eventually things may get better with her.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:00 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • As a christian of course Id forgive her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:53 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • - I'm also trying to look out for my daughter. I don't want her to have a flakey relationship with my mom. I don't want her to wonder if she's important to her Grandmother...
    Katrinka_Renee

    Answer by Katrinka_Renee at 2:53 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I would forgive her, however, I would be very cautious & slowly try & have a relationship with her. Good Luck!
    themacs4

    Answer by themacs4 at 2:54 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Oh hell no! I'm sorry, I wouldn't open my family to that kind of pain. You know she hasn't changed and she's not going to change. Not unless she's been in years of intensive therapy during the intervening years...

    I want a million dollars. Doesn't mean I've gotten up off the computer and done a thing to earn it. Wanting to change doesn't mean she's done a thing about it. Tell her to come back when she's actually done something about herself.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 2:58 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • It's your mother - forgive her.

    She's crazy - limit her time with yourself and I would suggest NO contact for at least six months with your DD - let her prove herself to YOU first.

    You are the one in control - you are the one who needs to protect your daughter - forgive does not mean roll over.

    GOOD LUCK
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:59 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • i would forgive her but limit contact. take things very slowly and be cautious about the contact she has with your dd.
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Have really sat down and tried to find out the truth why she left you behind? Me and my Dad have a messed up relationship. But I would never,totally cut him out of my life.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • My mom was not a compulsive liar, but she was a shitty mom nonetheless. She left me with my dads cousin when I was 15 and I didn't talk to her for 3 years.
    After trying, over and over unsuccessfully to have a relationship with her, this is what I have decided to do:

    I am not going to try to have a relationship with her anymore. I am tired of being hurt by my family. I will not contact her, I will not ask favors of her, nothing. If SHE wants to call ME, or come to my house to see me or my daughter, that is fine. She has every right. But I will put no value on any promises she makes.
    I have been doing this for little over a year now, and it is really working for me. I feel no anger toward my mom anymore, and she pops in and our whenever it is convenient for her. Sometimes I go for 2 months without seeing her, which is fine. I expect nothing from her, and in return I don't get disappointed.

    I hope this helped.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:00 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I'd say keep her in your life, BUT at a safe distance. True forgiveness recognizes what you thought someone did to you, never really happened at all.
    rcbrown

    Answer by rcbrown at 3:02 PM on Jan. 28, 2009