Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepson issues

My husbands 19 year old son lives with us. He lost his job a few months ago because simply he just didnt feel like going to work and got fired. After this happened, my husband insists that we pay for his cell phone bill and his car insurance. We have been doing this for the past 3 months. This is over 100 dollars extra a month, not including the extra groceries and the utility bill being higher. We can barely pay our own bills let alone his. This kid sleeps till noon or better. Eats, showers, does his laundry, and has full range of the house. He comes and goes whenever he wants, and does what he wants. I am tired of paying his bills. I work very hard for the money I make and dont think I should have to help out a lazy 19 year old that is perfectly capable of working. He isnt even looking for a job. My husband and I have fought and fought over this issue. Any suggestions??

Answer Question
 
sindeet

Asked by sindeet at 3:11 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well thats his son so if he wants to support his laziness its up to him isnt it? I guess you can tell him you dont want to pay for his things out of what you earn but I am guessing that isnt going to help the marriage much. I would just say why not give him a time period to find a job or have some minor chores to make up that $100.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:14 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Oh hell no! That's is wrong and wrong of your hubby for doing so. Basically he is just telling his son he doesn't have to get a job and be a user of you two and anyone else. Better have another talk with hubby, I say he gets a job or he gets the F*** out!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • my step brother is the same way only he is 28 years old. My dad spent years trying to talk sense into my step mom about it but she refused, saying that it was her son and how could they not help him when he was in need. She has figured out now that he is not going to figure things out for himself or be a "man" if he does not have too and now they are feeling that it may be too late.

    This is something that you and hubby have to do together or it will not work. I hope that your husband sees the light soon before you end up like my parents. GL
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 3:23 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Oh WOW! Id have a freaking major problem with his son n dh if this was my case. Hell no!!! I do not support laziness and at 19 there is no need for your dh to support him. Your dh is enabling his son. Kick his ass out. He is probably would not be looking for jobs any time soon since he is well taken cared of you guys!! THATS A MAJOR NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a stepmom, too but thankfully my ss is only 12 and he lives with his dad!!
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 3:25 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I meant to say he lives with his mom.
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 3:26 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Well, i think you should have a little more compassion. Think if this was Your own son, you would still care for him too. Whatever you do, don't lose your temper over it. Sit down with him & his father & tell him until he gets a job, he is going to have to work for his car insurance & cell phone. He needs to practice doing things a real adult would. Otherwise they'll be taken away if he doesn't do his "chores". This is a very good deal, & if he doesn not comply then it means he has no respect for y'all & you should take away his car & phone. He will be looking for a job fast, either that or your house will be a lil cleaner.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:44 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Your husband needs to put you first here. When you get married, your spouse is your number 1 priority and he's making his son his number 1 priority here. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel about this and that you will no longer support his son, period. If that means you figure out what your 3rd of the bills are and you only give your husband that amount every month, then do it. No way would I support my stepson if he was not working.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 4:09 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Accept it. That's his son and he will always come first. As it should be.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:55 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • tell hubby the least you want from the lazy boy is fo rthe house hold chores to be done when you guys get home 100 a month for a daily maid isnt to bad lol but make it clear if its not done then phone dont get paid and insurance doesnt get paid plan and simple and make a clear wht is expected of him make a list for him. although i agree with chrissy that kids should come first i have to wonder if chrissy wasnt a lazy 19 yr old living off mom and dad. At 19 its fine to still be living at home but be enrolled and attending school or be working. Time for him to start helpping out one way or another. time for him to get on with his life lol good luck
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:22 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Sorry Chrissy 629 but when you are married ur husband or wife comes first. I mean when children are young of course they come first but at 19? Arent kidding? WRONG!!!! KIck his ass to the curb. He is not 5! He is an adult. He does not come first in my book.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.