Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My brother is 19 and hasnt had a job in over a year.

He has no car no money and no permanent place to live..?He will be 20 in April..he has been looking for work but cant find any he says.. He hops around house to house and lives out of bags.. What can i do to help him..what can he do to better himself .. Is there any one i can call to get help for him..we live in Indiana. What should he do...please dont leave rude comments.. thanks

Answer Question
 
mom2girliegirls

Asked by mom2girliegirls at 3:27 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • he needs to be mentally ready himself. people PUSHING him is going to make him drift away. trust me i was in this position like he was not too long ago.. [about a yr ago]

    i finally realized myself i needed to get my ass in gear.
    although i did have some input and advice from family, they did not push me or go out of their way to do things for me...

    dont do things for him because then its him still relying on other people.
    just be there for him and give input sometimes but dont make him feel like a failure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Are your parent not around?


    They should be dealing with this issue.


    You cant help him, if he doesn't want to help himself.


    One thing you can do, is not let him stay with you.


    You are just helping him stay a bum.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:35 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I'm from Indiana! ANYBODY can get a job at McDonald's and Wendy's. There is ALWAYS one hiring. Yes, it's flipping burgers but hey, it pays for things. I would show him a little tough love. Just tell him, if he doesn't get a job and get his act together, you don't want him in you or your children's lives as he is not setting a positive example. Go with him to fill out applications and always ask him to ask to speak with a manager when he hands them in. Tell him to shake their hand and introduce himself so they can put a name with an application. They love things like that. Tell him to wear a dress shirt and tie even if his interview is at a pig farm! Most of all, you need to encourage him to get his act together to better himself. Good Luck honey!
    navy-wife

    Answer by navy-wife at 3:35 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • The job market is pretty bad everywhere. if he doesnt want to work at a fast food place which many people cant stomach that, why not advice him to go back to college? He can get student loans, pell grant and maybe live on campus.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • My mom moved out her 3 years ago from the west coast.. (thats were we are from) and she decided she didnt like it here so she moved back after a little over a year here..but she didnt want to take him with her...she is crazy. He has worked all of the fast food places he hasnt ever had a job for more then 3 months.. He gets very depressed and hurts himself when things dont go his way...im a little scared for him..he also has a very bad anger problem.. he has a gf that has a 4 year old son and she works at burger king.. everything is just a mess.. Im only 25 and i have no idea what to tell him ... ive tried being tough with him about things and that doesnt work and ive taken him all over town trying to get a job and ive made him talk to the managers... ive made him go to temp places and when they call him back he always has a reason why he cant work where they want to send him.. cont.
    mom2girliegirls

    Answer by mom2girliegirls at 4:16 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • i have so many of my own problems and he adds to them..i cant turn my back on him..im the only person in our family that talks to him... he needs to grow up!! He has had a crappy life...he was in and out of boys ranch since he was 14..i just want to push him in the right direction... :(
    mom2girliegirls

    Answer by mom2girliegirls at 4:18 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • try not talking to him he needs to learn he is almost 20 he needs to grow up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I feel for you. You sound like a very sweet person who always wants to help. One thng I've learned from offering too much help to people with complicated lives is that they become too dependent on you and can send your life into a whirlwind. You can only help so much. I've had some rock bottom crappy moments in my life and got ticked off when no one offered to help. Thing is I helped myself get to a better place. He has to do it for himself too.
    businmessmom

    Answer by businmessmom at 12:17 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • "He gets very depressed and hurts himself when things dont go his way...im a little scared for him..he also has a very bad anger problem."

    Ok, this is a sincere comment, not a rude one. Does he need help? I am talking about mental health services? He may be eligible, because he is low-income, to get state services, and even help getting a job if he is ill. http://www.in.gov/fssa/dmha/4422.htm. One of my kids' babysitters was acting kind of odd and ended up in a state hospital on observation. Turns out she was bi-polar, and needed meds. When she takes them she does well. When she does not, problems. There is a difference between being lazy and being sick. :-(
    Trixiebelle2

    Answer by Trixiebelle2 at 12:32 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I think this is a common thing for boys this age today. Sad isn't it? I have a 18 ds much like this, and many of his friends are. Mine works but not many hours a week. They are so lazy its not funny. Maybe the military? If I find an answer I will let you know. But honestly I have tried everything and nothing has worked. I think mine has depression also. But what is there for these guys? The economy is horrible... hang in there, you are a great sister. Your brother is lucky to have you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN