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Don't know what to do...

My mother and MIL started talking about the baby shower, sooo I got very excited! Until the plans came to my attention. I am due June 6th and my MIL wants to have the baby shower at the end of April, which is great, BUT I don't know how to feel about it.... I'm going to try and and say this the best I can. My husband's sister died Jan 08', her birthday is in April. My MIL wants to have the baby shower the same day as her birthday. When she told me this I felt a little strange, it's not that I don't want to celebrate her birthday, but I guess I think it is an awkward day to have the baby shower ... am I completely wrong? Should I say anything? I feel really bad.

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Asked by kaylan010 at 4:21 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,682 Credits)
Answers (12)

    I am with you 100% on this.


    Your day should be YOUR day.

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:22 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • while they're at it they could hold a seance in the hopes that your baby could be sil incarnate...

    I also agree that it is odd.
    but perhaps mil in her sadness wants to throw a party on that day to keep her mind off of her daughter?? have you asked her why she chose that day? or would that be awkward ( I can see how it could depending on your relationship)?

    Answer by LuckyClown at 4:25 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Doesn't sound right to choose that particular day for the shower. Fine if the family want to mark her birthday in some other way but shouldn't this be all about you and your new life?

    Answer by jackdaw at 4:27 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I definitely see the creepy part of it but maybe look at like this was your MIL of having her daughter there too. Also a way to distract her from her daughters death. Putting a happy occasion on a day that is would sad. If you are completely against it I would talk to your hubby first and see if he knows the best way to approach his mom. I think as long as the focus of the day isn't a memorial for you SIL it might be just fine.

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 4:30 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Honestly, I feel your special occasion deserves to be honored on a day all to it's own. I know it's a shower and not the birth, but I feel your special day will be tainted by her memory on her birthday. I'd have to explain to your MIL that you would feel more comfortable having it on a different day! GL  


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 4:32 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Creepy is right.
    This is YOUR baby, in YOUR life.
    I understand MIL is sad, but it's not right and a bit disrespectful if you ask me, to hold the baby shower on the day the SIL passed. Disrespectful to the deseased and to your unborn LO.
    That day is reserved for the deseased, and should not be a day of parties (I"m Italian and my family wouldn't do that because of the disrespect..)
    Plus it's easier if the baby shower is either closer to your due date or after the baby is born, that way, when others ask what you need you can tell them :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I think you should nicley tell your MIL , that you would rather YOUR baby shower be in a different month and different day. Because it is your day.


    Answer by louise2 at 4:35 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Well, if done in a positive tribute kind of way, it could be a nice remembrance!

    You see, I never knew my father, but my grandfather filled that role, and we were very close! He always said his job was to give me away on my wedding day. Sadly, he died almost a year before my wedding day, and there was no one else I wanted to fill this role.

    As it turned out, I was able to plan my wedding to fall on the 1 year anniversary of his passing. I walked myself down the aisle with my grandfather there in spirit. I mentioned this tribute in my wedding program. There wasn't a dry eye in the church! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I don't see any problem with this. My daughter was born on the same day my father died (5 years apart) I thought it was wonderful and couldn't have planned it any better.

    Perhaps she wants something to occupy her time that day as opposed to sitting around thinking about her daughter.

    Answer by Dyndudes at 4:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I think that it is a nice way to honor the sister. You can't avoid all the birthdays of people who have died, or you'd never do anything. They are doing you a favor by having the shower for you, and if they don't care about the date or even if they chose it on purpose and if they don't mind, then in my opinion, you shouldn't. The fact that it is the birthday of a family member who has died is a nice remembrance.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:47 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

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