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How can I deal with my boyfriend's judgmental family?

My bf has 2 brother's both of which got married then had kids. When I met my bf I was already a single mom. We have been living together since August and he has decided to take me to meet his father whom live in another state. I informed him if I'm going I'm bringing my daughter because she's never been on vacation for a week anywhere and she got all excited. His grandmother has since told him he should marry me so my daughter could have a father, when her father is very much in her life, and because no person can raise a child alone unless they raise a serial killer. Also, his father has said he hopes I don't bring my daughter because he's not a babysitting service because his brother who lives nearby us told the father my mother often watches my child. (This is true but only while I'm at work.) Now I'm being told I'm taking it to much to heart but I'm seriously offended.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:16 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • oh I was terrified when meeting my current husband's strict baptist family. I had two daughters from a previous relationship (not marriage) and he accepted me and them with absolutely no problem. I had his support through it. I do believe some of them were weary (actually I am still not entirely comfotable around his step mom) but they all accepted me and my girls and they don't even realize that my husbands grandma isn't their real grandma. I think once they see what a good mother you are and that you are not just trying to find another baby daddy they will be fine with you.Good luck
    LuckyClown

    Answer by LuckyClown at 6:44 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I think youre just nervous about meeting them and I would go there and show them you dont intend for them to be a sitter service and how wonderful you and your dd are. Its not that bad atleast they are willing to accept you into the family. My dhs extended family werent as nice to me because I had children from a previous marriage and they were half hispanic. So it can be worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • i think it's not so much that i feel they are being rude, but more that they are judging my parenting before ever speaking to me at all. I just wonder what kind of values they must have to feel it's thier right to judge others
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I would go meet them with an open mind. It would not be all that unusual for them to wonder about you. I would try to be nice and see how it goes. If they don't lighten up and be nice, I would seriously reconsider this relationship because you will be stuck with them the way they are if you guys get married.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:33 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I would also be offended but all you can do is go and show them what a good job you're doing raising a kid on your own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Honestly the only way to take care of the problem is to take your daughter and let them see that you are not going to free load off of them and that your daughter is happy and well adjusted. Give them a chance to see for themselves what wonderful people you and your daughter are.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 6:40 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • hows this for judgemental my ex's mother left his dad and took three kids in to her second marriage, his sister took a child in to her marriage that wasnt her hubbys but i came with too much baggage because i have two kids from a prior relationship!!!! I have some bad news the best you can do is keep being you and raise your daughter right there is nothing you can do to change their minds. When you go on vacay take your daughter and don't LET his family do anything for her , if they go to get something for her say no i'll do that. If they say anything be like I'm sorry im just use to it the only time i really use a sitter is when im at work and then its my mother or my daughters father (even if he doesnt baby while your at work its more about making the point he is around) and dont be smartass about it be sincere hopefully they will see your a good mom and you make him happy and thats all that should matter
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 7:23 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Take her with you and prove them wrong ;) Be the best you can be.
    JonahsMom1107

    Answer by JonahsMom1107 at 7:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I have big problems with my inlaws too. but meeting them is just a fraction of the battle! You have adaughter who you love and raise and you met a man whos good, so if they cant see that thier son is loving then thats on them. But when you do see them it'll be shown that you love your daughter and take great care of her, so that should show them that IF you and thier son, whom they love and will be naturally protective over, should ever have kids the mom is good to go and knows what shes doing. Of couse you'll have jitters over meeting them but they are his family and love him too and you will have to get to know one anothers bounds and gives eventually. Its worth giving it a shot and seeing what happens. Some people put up a good front but become lovable after that. They just dont know you is all, and judging the book by its cover. So hold on for a roller coaster ride and be yourself.
    MommysZoo

    Answer by MommysZoo at 8:04 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

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