Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I take him back?

In my marriage I have been through many things. At the hands of my husband I have experienced physical abuse (mostly choking ), adultry, emotional/mental abuse (like we would be making love and he would say "If I was having sex with ***** I would have gotten off by now"), and verbal abuse (every name in the book, screaming, yelling). My response to these things was to shut down. I would not respond to him, not talk back, not defend myself physically (for fear he would squeez harder). I refuse to call him bad names, and I walked on eggshells until I learned what topics to avoid. He did go through an anger management program, what he got out of it is I was abusing him by not giving it up more often, I had to give him all the money or it was abuse, etc. He did stop physically abusing me and would instead leave for days to weeks on drinking and/or drug binges then come back and act like it was all better. He wants to come back???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)

    Answer by watersgirls at 8:05 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • If that's the way it is that's the way it will always be. an abuser is an abuser for life! it's a mental state that they don't see as wrong. when they go to a therapist usually they say "well she did this _____ so i did this ___." so now it's you being the bad guy! My mom went through that for years and it only got worse after the apologetic stage. It would be ok for a couple of days or weeks and then he'd revert back!!!! He's now in jail for some even worse type of abuse on children!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • why would you even consider it? Abuse doesn't really stop. It actually GETS WORSE when they see you will take them back. Maybe you should join a domestic violence group here or at least call your local DV shelter and get some counseling. You have trauma bonding with him. It's not lot. It's dangerous. He using you. He's controlling you. Take control of your own life and tell him enough is enough and it's over

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:09 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Do you REALLY even have to ASK this question? lol.

    lets see here...HELL F***ING NO!
    You can most certainly find a good man so give it time and don't take him back. Don't even think about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I think you already know the answer to this!! If you dont let me help you NOOOOOO do not take him back!! Next time he might squeez harder and you wont be able to ask what you should do cause ull be dead!! please i know its hard to be alone but you are so much better than that!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 8:15 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Why would you even ask? Why would you risk putting yourself through that again?


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • HELL NO!!!! dont fall back into that bull. hes manipulating you to come back bc he knows you will. DONT do it. hes taking advantage of you in every way. he has abused you in every way shape and form. YOU DESERVE BETTER! leave him dont make contact change your number do everything to stay away. i understand that in some situations some women actually love these men bc you didnt go into the relationship knowing he was abusive. i know this bc ive been there. BUT, he will NEVER change. he is manipulating you. he may tell u he has changed he may stop the physical abuse or anything else, but that wont last. trust me...i know this. please take care of yourself and stay away from him. every woman deserves the perfect man and he isnt even close. find someone better! its not impossible

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I went through the same thing.
    It was an SO. He was amazing at the begining of our relationship until something just snapped.
    He'd come home and slap me, and force me to walk around with no clothes in the backyard. One day he came home drunk, I was home sick with tonsilitis and couldn't all. I had a bunch of pillows in the bed and he thought it was another man, grbbed me by the hair, slammed my head into the wall and locked me in our bathroom. He wouldn't even let me eat at one point. Said I was going to get fat, I didn't eat for 11 days before I ran away to my parents house and they got a restraining order on him.
    Don't you DARE think about taking him back. EVER.
    A man who abuses you once will do it again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I agree with scaredmommy08. You already know the answer to this. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and no amount of anger management is going to fix things for this sociopath. If you go back with him he'll end up killing you. If not physically, emotionally. Who could live with a man who says "if I were with so and so I'd get off by now."? That's crazy. You are worth more than that. You deserve better. I can't say it enough times. You don't deserve that kind of treatment!!!

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:47 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • This is very dangerous behavior!  Do not take him back he is not going to change.  He thinks it's okay because you took him back in the past.  You are worth more than being abused.  You deserve to live a happy SAFE life.    You need to get away from him go to a local woman's shelter.  Take your kids and go  they will find a safe place for you to stay, offer counseling, teach you skills and make you realize your important.  I am so sorry your living such a horrifying life. 


    Answer by mommiedear at 10:14 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.