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What's wrong with me/possible tmi

I've been a married woman for 14 years now and I struggle with intamacy with my husband,he's not a touchy feely guy and never has been,in fact I think it's affecting our relationship. He never makes me feel good about myself anymore like he did when we were first married,he would call me sexy,or say things like,I found my soulmate. He no longer says anything positive about our relationship,he just calls me mom to which I reply,honey it really bothers me that you call me mom,cause I'm not your mom,I would prefer it if you would call me by some other endearing name,like honey,sweetheart,something sweet like that. In the bedroom I feel nervous and shy and want to hide from him when were intimate. I have been a bit heavy since 2005 I gained a lot of weight I was 125lbs,and could fit into really cute clothes,however I quit smoking and ballooned up to 200 lbs. Since I've been working I'm down to 186 lbs. and can feel my clothes feeling looser! I find myself wanting tons more for one a guy who will love me and hug me and kiss me,and hold my hand,and say sweet things to me. I don't get that from my husband and find myself wanting out of our marriage and dreaming about great sex,and passion. Our marriage has been on the rocks for awhile because of his lack of desire to make sure our finances aren't in jeapordy,he is often lazy and uncaring. He doesn't take care of himself,and his teeth are looking aweful,and he has a few missing teeth. I always put on makeup and make my hair look nice for him. Now I find myself doing it to see if other men will notice. You know what he calls it when he wants sex? The wet spot!!! How unromantic is that? I told him that's a major turnoff for me and he should find a new term for getting it on.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on May. 21, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • this is exactly why my marriage is in a sore spot right now..."lack of desire to make sure our finances arent in jeapordy, he is often lazy and uncaring." My dh is so worried about making freaking money (and don't get me wrong..i aprreciate him for that) but he just don't have time for US! OR HIMSELF! i feel ya, i get fed up with it. we are actually considering counseling soon and we havent even been married that long.

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:26 AM on May. 21, 2012

  • You need to tell him just what you said here.

    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:27 AM on May. 21, 2012

  • There are core problems under all of the details. If you two can get to finding out what they are, you can work on it from there.

    Answer by LeJane at 12:31 PM on May. 21, 2012

  • Lots of issues/problems in this marriage. Clearly neither of you has any idea of the others expectations in this relationship. There is a definite lack of communication which only further complicates and hinders any possibility of resolutions.
    Speak up, don't be willing to settle for anything less than you want. Be clear about change.

    Answer by meooma at 1:29 PM on May. 21, 2012

  • I've already been clear about what I want. Things just stay the same with him,nothing changes. I'm the only one doing what I'm suppose to in this marriage. Working,caring for the kids,cleaning my house,and continuing my education.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:07 PM on May. 21, 2012

  • Yeah, he needs to step it up. Marriage isn't about letting yourself go.

    Answer by tasches at 6:31 PM on May. 21, 2012

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