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Graduation is almost here! Potential problems but I am staying out of it

So am I right or wrong here? My son invited his father to his graduation. We have limited tickets and he cant bring his wife. This has been an issue awhile, but she is coming and staying back at the hotel until after graduation. I guess their plan is to go to dinner after graduation. Their plan is also to see all 3 of our children together and the grandchildren. Now that we are closer to graduation it looks like those plans will not pan out. Now I would tell my ex but he is not speaking to me because he cannot bring his wife among other things. Since he is acting like a two year old and throwing a tantrum am I in the right not to bother to inform him? He would just blame me anyway if I did, and the situation is this.

My mil made reservations for me, my dh, our kids, my parents, and dh's parents and the grandkids to have an early dinner prior to graduation. DS is inviting his GF and her parents too. Then they will be going to graduation and we will meet up with him there. It starts at 7, and we have been told will not let out until at least 10. My dd who is 23 has decided that she is NOT going to dinner. She is in counseling and has issues with her dad that cause panic attacks. My son in law is not invited to the dinner because my ex does not like him (doesnt even know him but whatever) so the grandkids wont be going either. My oldest son is leaving the state until his dad leaves. All of the restaurants in our small town close at 10.

Now like I said I could let my ex know. My idea was actually to call him and let him know our plans, and let him do dessert with my son and whoever decides to actually stay. I know dd and her kids and husband will leave, but he would at least be able to visually see the grandchildren. Since he has told the kids to tell me not to call him or email him I see no need to do so. Am I right or wrong here? It seems to me a situation of his own doing for not wanting to communicate with me.


Asked by gemgem at 8:24 AM on May. 23, 2012 in

Level 42 (148,630 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I'd stay out of it. If your son is inclined to keep his dad in the loop then he should. Otherwise I would be secretly claiming victory (I'm like that though).

    Answer by meooma at 8:30 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • I know you all have had your srtuggles, but I think you need to call him so he can arrange his schedule,

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:26 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • Email him and let him know. Be the bigger person for your son. What your ex chooses to do with that information is his choice.

    Or, offer your son the option of letting him know.

    Answer by BrawnwynII at 8:27 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • He is the father of the graduate, right? He has every right not to be excluded from festivities. Isolating him and excluding his only ally in the battle is kind of snotty too. You effectively turned your child's day into your issue. Whether anyone has panic issues or not is irrelevant to this man's right to be comfortable and welcome at the graduation

    Answer by adnilm at 8:39 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • He should be making the kids his messenger... if he doesn't want you to call/e-mail then that's HIS job to tell you. Be the bigger person... tell him what's going on and leave it at that - then you've done the right thing. Just because he's being childish doesn't mean you should be.


    Answer by Crafty26 at 8:30 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • I have already told my son. He wont take my calls so I really cant call him. I have no idea if he reads my emails he claims he wont.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 8:37 AM on May. 23, 2012

  • He has not been involved in their life otherwise I would agree. He has seen our son 4-5 times in 14 yrs.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 8:43 AM on May. 23, 2012