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Do divorced dads ever get over their guilt and start treating their kids like normal parents should?

My husband has never gotten over the guilt he feels for divorcing his kids mother. The kids were 7 & 10 now 19 & 22. My husband has always over indulged his kids and never ever says no. Now as a result neither one has a real job, no plans for college or a real direction toward securing a financially independent future. My husband and their mom still help pay for cars, insurance, cell phones and much more. The older one is married too? When I ask my husband how long he'll pay he says as long as he has to. He's soon going to be 50. I feel like we're always going to have to work to help them out. Any advice........please. My husband doesn't take it well when I bring it up.

 
businmessmom

Asked by businmessmom at 12:05 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • But, this is not so much your business.....sorry to say.


    Are you friggen kidding me?! It's every bit her business!  It appears she is concerned for everyone involved.  Why shouldn't she be concerned about these spoiled a$$, grown, children taking advantage of them? I wouldn't want to work my rear off to be responsible for grown children whether they are his, hers, theirs...yada, yada, yada! OR fear having to work forever..... bcz Dad can't put his foot down! Help is one thing....use & abuse is another! Get one thing straight...just bcz she married a man w/children...does not mean she has to spend the rest of her life nor marriage..being financially responsible for them!


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • The kids aren't going to start taking responsibility for themselves until Daddy grows some nads and says no. He may be doing it out of guilt, but he needs to be told he is STILL being a bad parent.
    Trixiebelle2

    Answer by Trixiebelle2 at 12:18 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I know. To make matters worse she's trying to buy a home on an 18K a year salary. We're her bosses cause we own our own business. Our business isn't doing great but she'll definately ask for a cost of living raise. And he of course will oblige.
    businmessmom

    Answer by businmessmom at 12:31 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Yikes.
    Trixiebelle2

    Answer by Trixiebelle2 at 12:33 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • im so sorry :[ no advice but i understand!
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 1:44 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My step son is 28 and mine never has fully gotten over the guilt , but that is just my opinion....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • damage has been done to the kids. They won't change. They will expect it or get mad and most dad's don't want kids being mad at them; hence, the over indulgence. It's not going to change.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:24 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Well, your husband does have a degree of responsibility here and appropriate guilt. He was absent in their lives to some extend, maybe great. 7 & 10 years old. What a loss to have to endure all of your life. All of the moments you miss having a complete family. Imagine how this erodes a persons self esteem and sense of belonging. I know because my parents divorced too. The girl friend who followed the divorce was always eager to see my Dad care less but you cant just erase damage like that. Sorry lady, your husband f'd up and he will deal with the consequences and so will you I guess.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • i would say let dad do it if he wants too he is a grown man as you having too work too help them i would not walk away at least your kids have a father who cares my father is a piece of work he is only around when he wants too be and not when we need him really but we have learned too accept his ways and now we are adults and life is too short too let him get on our nerves just wish he was there for his own grand kids and not other peoples kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • When my parents first got divorced my dad gave me money all the time. He didn't really know what else to do. my mom had always handled everythign kid related. After a year the money slowly stopped. Then he starting make time for us rather than just sending money. I've actually had a much better realationship with him after the divorce and after he realized he didnt' have to buy my love. I know not all people are the same, though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

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