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2 Bumps

My DH refuses to defend me to his parents, is it childish to expect him to?

My in laws are always criticizing me for things I do with my baby. There are MANY, MANY examples but this is one of them. Not long ago we went to their home, there were lots of people, it was really loud and we had my 5 month old. I wanted to hold him for a bit to get him used to being there with all the people and the noise (we had not been over in months). My FIL with whom we are not on great terms with came up to me and tried to grab the baby, didn't ask nothing so I said "I want to give him a few minutes to get used to everything then I'll pass him around. Well he went to tattle on me to my DH, my DH took his side, didn't defend me didn't back me up. Also since my FIL didn't talk to my DH for over 2 years (and refused to come to our wedding, my son doesn't even know him so it's not like FIL could clam my son down just like I can. Every time there is a problem between me and my in laws, it's my fault, if I feel they did something, he tells me to get over it, if they feel I did something, he tells me I am wrong (though he can never really explain why I am wrong). I just wish he would care enough to defend me or at least tell them to deal with me themselves, not take their side every single time. The worst part is, when I get upset with him for not defending me, he says I am being childish. We have had 4 major fights in the last month, they were all about my in laws. I just can't take it any more, every time we see them, I know there is going to be a problem (no matter what I do) and I know DH will take their side. I really try with them, but at some point they are going to have to try too but why would they when anytime there is a problem DH makes it my fault? I just want him to support me, is that wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on May. 23, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like he is still desperately seeking their approval, at your expense. He needs to realize loyalties have shifted now and their approval may never happen anyway. Its time to be a dad and a husband....not a son.

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:55 AM on May. 24, 2012

  • To answer your question (because I really don't have time to read explanation). It is NOT childish to expect him to defend you! You are his wife, and he should be on YOUR side.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 9:20 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • Not wrong at all. HE is the childish and wrong one.

    Real Men know that their parents are merely the family they happened to be born into and that their wives are the ones they CHOSE... and unless they feel they made a mistake in their choice, they had damned well better DEFEND the family they CHOSE... or they may wind up only having the family they happened to be born into.

    Your husband is not a Real Man at the moment.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:21 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • Your DH needs to grow a pair. "Leave and cleave" was the hardest lesson my DH had to learn. Since he did our relationship is much better, as is my relationship with my in-laws.

    Answer by mrsjon at 9:23 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • I just stoped being around his family. I refuse to go over their. and will not let them come over here. He can visit them anytime he wants. With out me.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:25 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • My mother in law has that problem with her husband. Her mother in law treats her very badly and he never defends her. It's deteriorated their relationship. You need to nip this in the bud.

    Answer by xXMarlyeXx at 9:25 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • Not wrong at all,he should you are his wife.

    Answer by ihave1 at 9:30 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • I don't have this problem personally, but no it is not childish. He married you, you are supposed to be a team. I know my husband would defend any choice I make when it comes to our babies because he knows that I know them better than anyone, but thankfully it doesn't ever come to that because my ILs aren't those kind of people.

    Answer by AF4life at 10:37 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • THEY are the 1s being childish! Geeez! They all sound crazy to me.

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 10:44 PM on May. 23, 2012

  • If you know he won't then it's useless (not childish) to expect him to. Ignore the parents. They shouldn't be criticizing you. They should be minding their own business

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:38 AM on May. 24, 2012