Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Discipline Suggestions?

I have a four year old daughter who as of late has completely quit listening to me. I've tried practically everything I can think of. I've done the time out thing and whippings and punishment from things stern voices...nothing seems to work. She tunes me out and when I do discipline her she screams at the top of her lungs, she'll cry for a few minutes then go right back to what she was doing in the first place. If anyone can suggest something that may work I'd really appreciate it because it's getting way out of hand.

Answer Question

Asked by skylorna at 12:59 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • The only suggestion I would have is to continue to use the timeout. Be consistent, and remember only 1 minute per year so 4 minutes. You have to be extremely consistent. Only give ONE warning, and stick to that, It requires everyone's cooperation. But, mostly do not let this time be filled with criticism or attack mode. Only tell her that she is to sit there till you say so and that she needs to understand her behavior was wrong. Then tell her to stay there and return after the time is up. Do not sit there and tell her repeatedly that she was bad. It does work, we do this with our Granddaughter who is only 2. Everyone sticks too it. remember it doesn't work the first time but if you are consistent it will.

    Answer by connietrrll at 1:12 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Have you tried to just remove the item(s) that she is using to misbehave? If it is something like jumping on furniture then you could walk in and say (bluff) something like: "Aw man, I was going to (make cookies, take you to the park) today, but now I can't because you aren't following the rules... I am so disappointed, because I really wanted to do that". Yes she will get upset, my son does too, but follow up with, "If you followed the rules then I could give you surprises more often".
    I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I do give surprises so this works well for me.

    If you pm me with examples of what she is doing I can give you some ideas to help.

    Answer by indigostone at 1:16 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • We have begun to ground our 4 yo dd. If she acts up no cartoons, no dessert, etc. She is going through the exact same stage as your dd. It's funny how it's only for mommy and daddy, because if she goes to stay the night with grandparents she listens to everything they say.

    Answer by LolosMom at 2:05 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I agree with connietrrll! Stay with the time out. Your daughter is just testing you and others. She is exerting herself. Make sure also that you always "catch her being GOOD!" When you see her behaving the way you want her to, pour on the PRAISE! She should be hearing positive responses to her good behavior three times more than she hears about the negative! This will help turns things around. Get everyone that is with her to follow your good example. Don't let anyone sabotage your efforts. She will figure out who the SOFTIE is! Good Luck!

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 6:03 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • You tell her one time what you want from her. If she does not immediately do it, you spank her bare butt or her bare leg hard enough to make it sting. You do that every time she does not instantly obey you. You ignore her screaming for five minutes. If she is still screaming then, you spank her for the screaming. She has already gotten the upper hand with you, so this will take some time. Be consisten and be persistent. You tell her you are no longer going to tolerate disobedience nor screaming or anything else that is totally unacceptable to you. Children have to be taught to accept the authority of their parents. Some are a bit more strong willed than others, but the younger they are when you establish that you are the boss, the more peaceful and enjoyable will be your life. When you have a plan, you do it before you get angry and with the full knowledge that this is what she needs. It works!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:21 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Well said NannyB

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 11:06 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • frogdawg, I was thinking the same thing.
    I want my son to respect me not fear me...and too often people confuse the two. I think back to the 80's when "gang bangers" would be in a fight with someone, they would hold a gun to someones head and yell "RESPECT ME YOU..." well, you get the picture. Kind of makes you wonder if the parents used to "spank" them as a kid and tell them "You will respect me!".

    Answer by indigostone at 12:38 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • lmao about the comments to nannyb's answer...i appreciate all the answers but i agree that that may be a bit harsh...

    Answer by skylorna at 4:39 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I totally agree with NannyB. If nothing works and spanking doesn't even phase them then its time for them to get it on the bare butt. Then leave them alone to think about it for a while. If they don't stop screaming within 15 minutes then they get it again.

    Answer by blessedwife08 at 4:50 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Spanking doesn't teach a child to fear a parent. It teaches them that there is a consequence for their action. It teaches them to fear the consequence of the action. Thereby deterring them from doing the action. It's basic psychology.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 6:18 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.