My children's birth mother loved them very much. They lived with me from birth, but had supervised visits with their mom until they were about 3 weeks old. (The state was pursuing TPR, she signed voluntarily.) I offered through the sw to have an open adoption, but the mother declined. I offered everything from visits to pictures, asked if she wanted to write them a letter to have when they are older, but she said (to the sw) "Tell her no, they are a family now. I want them to be normal." She didn't want to meet me at all, but I did see her once as she walked into court, so at least I can describe her to the kids.
I intend to raise my children with a love and respect for their birthmom. They might want to meet her someday, but then I would have a problem because she made it very clear that her involvement was over because she wanted us to just live as a "normal family." (cont'd below)
Answer by onethentwins at 7:49 PM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by MommyAddie at 6:36 AM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by mrssullivan at 6:51 AM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by juliness at 7:46 AM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by HardyFan at 8:21 AM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Jan. 29, 2009
If they want to find her, I wouldn't purposely keep them from trying to. When they're adults, that is an adult decision that they can make for themselves. She may feel differently about meeting them or getting a letter from them when they're older or adults. My bmom wanted a closed adoption. I never knew her and still don't. I decided I might want to contact her and contacted my adoption agency. She updated her contact info with them when I turned 18. I was 22 when I started looking for her and by then, that contact info was no good. I felt like she had been waiting for me to find her once I became an adult and wondered if I hurt her feeling because I didn't. It still really bothers me to this day. I am considering hiring a PI to find her but I'm not sure. If your kids want to meet her, do not stop them. She can always delcine if she still doesn't want contact with them.
Answer by NovemberLove at 4:21 PM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by onethentwins at 7:52 PM on Jan. 29, 2009
Answer by MommyAddie at 8:24 AM on Jan. 30, 2009