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Disagreement between my dh and I...

My 18 yo son took our truck yesterday to run to the food store for me down at the military base we live near. Well he decided while he was at the base he was going to make a side trip and go to the camp ground on base to look at the water. Well this road he went down was icy and covered in snow and had caution signs posted saying the road was icy. He slid off the road and ended up coming to rest in a ditch and the front right axel may be bent. This is where my dh and I disagree. I say that my ds should pay for all the repairs himself and for the tow truck. My dh feels that since my ds is still in school that he should pay for everything and dh also wants to take all privileges away from him and punish him. I don't see where punishing him will accomplish anything. I think him having to pay for everything is punishment enough. What are you thoughts on this.

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my4kids274

Asked by my4kids274 at 6:31 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • I don't think either should be done to your son. It was an accident. Insurance should pay for it anyway. Be a mom and take care of your son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Honestly Anonymous...that is a totally useless answer!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I would make him pay for half the deductible and lose his driving privileges, but only if he were specifically told got to the store and come straight home. He IS 18 and therefore an adult. If you did not tell him to come straight home then he should still pay for at least 1/2 the deductible.
    mrssullivan

    Answer by mrssullivan at 6:47 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • "be a mom and take care of your son"..sounds as though she is doing a fantastic job. Every child should learn that each action has a reaction (positive or neg). He went down a road he shouldn't have gone, hence the accident...there is the action...reaction should be paying for the repairs that the ins doesn't cover.
    Dani32

    Answer by Dani32 at 6:48 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Thank you for your response mrssullivan. I am just not looking forward to this whole "discussion" that will be happening this afternoon between my dh and I.
    my4kids274

    Answer by my4kids274 at 6:51 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Dani32 thank you also for your response. I appreciate it!
    my4kids274

    Answer by my4kids274 at 6:53 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I agree he should pay for the repairs or at least the deductible. Punishment doesn't do much for a 18yo, but paying a bill or two will make them think things over in the future.
    lovinmomto3

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 7:05 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • He went somewhere he shouldnt... He should have some privilages taken away.
    He wrecked the car- after seeing warning signs, again- he didnt lisnen (to a sign-lol).. And he should have to do something towards helping with the car.. That could be him helping pay whatever insurance doesnt cost. or it could be him doing extra chores around the house since mom & dad are gonna have to work harder to pay for the damage?..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 7:13 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • i think having him pay for it will teach him consequences for his actions. just because some anonymous poster thinks they need to baby their children and pay for everything to shelter them from the worl doesn't mean an 18 year old should not know about consequences. that's just going to make for a selfish kid. if you didn't have the money to pay for it, he'd have to come up with it somehow. he's a big boy now, don't worry, he can handle it! :)
    juliness

    Answer by juliness at 7:29 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • You and your husband should come to an agreement about this before you talk to your son. It is very important that you two present a united front to your son. If the two of you can't come to a meeting of the minds, so to speak, then you should let him handle it the way he sees fit. You can plead your case, but if he doesn't agree, your son should know that you support his dad's decision.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:32 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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