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How can I phrase this without overstepping or sounding like a bitch?
My step DD is 16 and 23 weeks pregnant (I asked her mom if she was 3 months ago and she got mad and said absolutely not). As far as what she does, I know I have no say, and I am ok with this. It should be up to her parents to guide her and she should make the final decision. However, both of her parents work full time and she is just about to finish her sophomore year so she is going to need someone to watch the baby. She has made comments that make me think she might expect me to. I work from home and me and dh have 2 small children plus I have 2 children of my own who are 9 and 12. I want to make sure she is not expecting me to watch the baby while she goes to school every day. I also want to make it plain that money is getting tight for us so while she would be welcome to live with us (with or without the baby) and while I would insist that my DH continue to pay child support for her if she stays with her mother (something he would legally not have to do), I will NOT be ok with paying regular child costs (like daycare for the baby). Don't get me wrong, as step grandma (or perhaps she will allow the baby to consider me a grandma) I will of course buy the baby gifts and things and I will be only to happy to babysit now and again, we just can't commit to regular sums of money and I can't commit to babysitting every day (my children with my DH are almost 2 and almost 4 and as I have said I also have a 9 and a 12 year old). I am thinking about just sitting down with her and telling her that if she chooses to keep the baby, me and her father will be happy to do what we can but ultimately, it will be on her to provide for her baby. I want to come across the right way, I do want to help her with her baby if she keeps it but I don't want to be expected to raise the baby. What should I do?
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Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on May. 25, 2012 in Teens (13-17)
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Perhaps you could just tell her, clearly, what you can and cannot do for her when the baby is born.Found an answer to your question?
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I'd wait until she approached me/her dad with the question. I would not make any assumptions as to what she was thinking.Found an answer to your question?
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I seriously think a conversation like that has to come from her dad. Its his daugher and his grandchild. I think he needs to sit down and have a long talk with his daughter about her future, her expectations, responsibilites, etc. He can then gently work in how much the two of you are willing to do as a team... that way it won't seem like its coming from the stepmom. This is really one of those times when Dad needs to take the lead, and talk with his daughter.Found an answer to your question?
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Where is the baby's dad in all this,and HIS parents?Found an answer to your question?
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First of all, have you had this conversation with your husband yet? You should be clear about his thoughts on what he is willing to do before the daughter is addressed. Secondly, I would have her father initiate this conversation. It might be better received coming from the parent, rather than have it be the step-parent "laying down the law", so to speak.Found an answer to your question?
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I predict that within ten minutes OP will come back and sya her husband told her to handle it.Found an answer to your question?
Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on May. 25, 2012
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You could just ask her casually if she's thought about daycare or does she plan to get a job or continue school, etc. just basic questions in conversation to get an idea of where her mind is as far as what she expects. She may have things all planned out and not expect anything.Found an answer to your question?
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Have you talked to your husband about it? What about him initiating the conversation? I do think it would be good to have the conversation now rather than wait for her to bring it up, as she is young and may be making assumptions and may not be wise enough to check in with you.
Also what about just asking her "so what are your plans once the baby comes?"Found an answer to your question?
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This conversation should not come from you. You and her father need to be in agreement before he talks to her. I'm not even sure you should be present when he has this discussion. She is 16 anything you say is liable to be written off as 'interference"
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My SDD and my DH are on very bad terms just now (usually teen stuff, he was very strict with her and her mom is very lax and she resents his strictness) so he has asked me to handle this, at least the part where I am not willing to babysit every day. Missanc, we have asked if she plans to get a job and she said she has looked but hasn't been able to find anything but she says she plans on staying in school.
Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:22 PM on May. 25, 2012
Teens (13-17) 101
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