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How can I start the healing process after placing my dd up for adoption?

I just had my baby Kaydance on the 1/26/09 and placed her with the adoptive family and have buried my feelings for fear of losing control but I know I need to face my emotions and deal with them I just dont know how

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h2ogirl84

Asked by h2ogirl84 at 9:10 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (12)
  • Write her a letter. You don't have to send it but write her a letter tell her why you made the decision to place her up for adoption. Tell her that you love her. Tell her how hard it was.
    my3turtles

    Answer by my3turtles at 9:19 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I would allow myself to have a good cry. It's very therapeutic and it really does sort of cleanse one's soul to let all the emotions out. Then get busy doing the things that you really enjoy doing. Help someone who is struggling right now. There is a lot of healing of oneself when we give to someone else who is hurting.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:28 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I commend you on what you did.. YOU gave your child a chance at life. I agree w/ my3turtles. Write a letter. Its good therapy. Keep a journal. Maybe talk to a counselor. Right now your body is going through many emotions. Emotions that has nothing to do w/ the adoption. Just the fact of giving birth is a HUGE factor. Knowing that you did what was BEST for her is proof that you loved her with ALL your heart.. Good luck hun..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 9:32 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Allow yourself time to grieve. You have experienced a great loss. Even though it was your plan to place DD for adoption, it doesn't erase the feelings of sadness, pain, grief, doubt, and all other things you might be feeling. I like the idea of journaling your thoughts and feelings. I don't know if the adoption is an open one or not, but even if not, some point many years from now, those pages would be a great gift to your DD to realize that you truly love her enough to think of her first. I am so sorry for your pain....
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:44 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • you did the right thing!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I get tired of the old retoric of "you gave you child a chance at life". My child was going to live regardless of who raised them! Feel free to look around cafemom & join a group where there are birthmothers who understand your pain & lost without patting you on the back & making you feel worse by saying how "brave" and "unselfish" you are. Some people dont realize that can make you hurt even more at a time when you are in so much pain over your loss. There are people here who really understand what it is like. Don't feel like you have to "get over it" and "move on" and "be happy you did such a wonderful thing". Give yourself a chance to grieve. It's only natural.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Go to counseling: you should have been provided an offer of counseling from the adoption agency or the attny that you worked with. This should be provided at no cost to you, I would definately take them up on it. Even if you know in your heart this was the right thing, you need a safe place to process your feelings. Good luck with everything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • First I would join the birth mom group here on cafemom. They are a great bunch of ladies. Check my page if you would like the link. Next I would find a counselor in your area if you aren't in counseling already. You need someone non judging to talk to that can put everything in prospective. Keep a journal or write yourself a letter. Remind yourself about the reasons you chose adoption. What is going on right now. Then I'd buy the book "saying goodbye to a baby" helped me alot. You get to acknowledge that you have a loss and have a reason to grieve. Give yourself time to grieve. It is okay to cry even if it is at odd hours. If you need a shoulder to cry on you can feel free to message me.
    chrissmom734

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 10:55 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • To those who say she did the right thing...How do you know? Got a crystal ball by chance? Would keeping her baby have been the wrong thing? Chances are the adoption of her daughter was unneccessary and she would have been perfectly fit and capable of raising her baby.

    When people say "you did the right thing" or "you were so brave and selfless" it implies that keeping her baby would have been cowardly and selfish.

    Our children don't get a "better life"....they only get a different life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • To those who say she did the right thing...How do you know? Got a crystal ball by chance? Would keeping her baby have been the wrong thing? Chances are the adoption of her daughter was unneccessary and she would have been perfectly fit and capable of raising her baby.

    When people say "you did the right thing" or "you were so brave and selfless" it implies that keeping her baby would have been cowardly and selfish.

    Our children don't get a "better life"....they only get a different life.

    :::::::::::::::::::::::CLAPPING for this reply:::::::::::::::::::::::::
    right on!
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:14 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

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