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How can I start the healing process after placing my baby up for adoption?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (12)
  • I think you would do it the same way as in any other grieving process. Fix your mind on the future and on what you have to offer others as a result of this experience. Stay busy doing things that you truly enjoy and include some reaching out to others whom you can help.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:25 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • PRAY AND PRAY that you did the right thing if you know you cannot give your child a better life. Concentrate on the future and knowing that you did the right thing

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • There are some who manage to control their agony, but for many, there is no real healing. You will grieve the loss of your child forever and no amount of reasoning will change that.

    You will find some who are ok with the decision and you will find many who wish like hell they had never even considered adoption. Healing takes time. When it comes to a the loss of a child, for some it gets a little better. For others....the wound never heals.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • When I was 18 I had a baby which I gave up for adoption, and it was a lil easier for me because it was an open adoption so I was able to get pictures and letters from the adoptive family every once in awhile, and as time went on it helped me in knowing that I did the right thing, because I know that I would've never given him the life he has now! The best thing I can say is don't beat yourself up about it, adoption is not a bad thing plus u gave a family a child they couldn't have on their own!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I aplaud you for doing the right thing! There arent too many pregnant women that would do that, they would immediately go and abort it. I know that this is probably a really rough time for you, just know that your baby is going to have very loving and fulfilling life in his/her future. Also, you have provided a gift to a family that wasnt able to have children for themselves. You are a wonderful person for that. The griving time will pass and you will know in your heart that you did the right thing. Please let me know if you need someone to talk to you, I am here.

    Answer by leighannarobey at 12:15 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I know you didn't say it, but do you have regrets?

    Answer by Godswk at 9:49 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • babies aren't "gifts" to hand out...and no sometimes the grieving does NOT just "pass". you need to be talking to someone who has acutally given up a child; they understand.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • First I would join the birth mom group here on cafemom. They are a great bunch of ladies. Check my page if you would like the link. Next I would find a counselor in your area if you aren't in counseling already. You need someone non judging to talk to that can put everything in prospective. Keep a journal or write yourself a letter. Remind yourself about the reasons you chose adoption. What is going on right now. Then I'd buy the book "saying goodbye to a baby" helped me alot. You get to acknowledge that you have a loss and have a reason to grieve. Give yourself time to grieve. It is okay to cry even if it is at odd hours. If you need a shoulder to cry on you can feel free to message me.


    Answer by chrissmom734 at 10:54 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I have a son that was adopted. Yes it is difficult wether or not the adoption is open or closed. Mine is open and my hard part is I had to tell him myself why he is adopted. I told him I wanted him but I was too young and had no way of taking care of him. I don't think one is easier than the other. Time my Dear, time is what I can't stress enough. I used to be sad all the time, now I get sad sometimes. But what anchors me is that in my heart I did the very best thing for my child. Be very careful not to absorb other peoples ignorant and insensetive comments, they will take you down if you let them. I'm okay today, I promise you if you try, you will be okay too. If you need someone who's been there to talk to for support , well, click on my profile! I'll keep it private. If not me find someone who is in my boat to talk to. Find a support group. Write a letter to your baby then set it free.

    Answer by Steff107 at 9:24 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • My first recommendation would be to seek counseling. I gave a baby up almost 5 years ago and still have serious issues, part of the reason is because i never got any counseling on it... i was kind of led on by my case worker and aparents.... please seek counseling.... it has been 5 years and i am no more over it or have accepted it than when it happened.

    Answer by mikeyjavimami21 at 6:58 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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