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*sigh* am I that bad of a person? I need to hear I am...

So my husband and I have had issues about everything forever now. Especially sex. He knows what I need and wont do it. Every excuse. Not enough time blah blah. He wants to fuck and run.

I have a friend who I'm close to, and I dont want to have sex per se... but I've been fantasizing about him and I want to do everything but sex with this guy. We dated in the past which is why. I feel like I wouldnt even feel that bad anymore since my huband has pushed me so far away. I dont know how many times I've sat him down and asked why, what he needs blah blah. He yells at me all the time and everyone says to leave him anyways, but I dont want to because of our child together.

This is bad, huh? Considering doing anything is cheating. I always considered things even emotional an affair. Am I totally alone in this?Anyone else felt like this before...


Asked by Anonymous at 9:29 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • yes i to think that there is a such thing a emotional cheating. but if ur having these thoughts and ur husband doesnt kno and thr friend doesnt kno then................wat they dont know wont hurt them. especially since ur husband is acting like a ass. hes lucky ur only thinking about it and not doing it. We women have needs to so fantasize on unless it leads to a big problem. ur not a bad person.

    Answer by JuJu_Bean at 9:39 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I haven't felt like this with my SO, but one of my best friends from high school feels the same way about his wife. He says all the time that he doesn't even think he would feel guilty, but that "her's is a heart I don't want to break and this really is all about sex". I guess the best advice is if it is just the sex, don't ruin your marriage. If its not just the sex, make a clean break first and then go on with it. Regret is a horrible thing.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:36 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I have had those feelings before too. And unfortunantly it did result in an affair. So if your hubby really is not making you happy maybe it is time to leave. I know that can be hard to do but sometimes you need to take care of yourself too. You wouldnt want you kid to grow up in an unhappy home. I know you want to stay for you child but sometimes the parents splitting up is the best choice for child. They wont want to see you unhappy forever. If you need someone to listen to you just send me a message. I am willing to talk to you about this.

    Answer by YoungMomtoGirls at 9:38 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • OP- how do you make a clean break? This is all so painful. I'm just....not as inlove as I used to be. If we had no child I'd be gone but I dont want to do that to our kid. I guess I'm willing to sacrifice happiness. I feel like the sex would at least make me feel a LITTLE better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Well said parents stayed together for us kids, even though my father was cheating, and believe me, we KNEW! We sensed that something was wrong and it was very stressful for little kids. My advice would be to try EVERY avenue to fix your marriage (counseling? getting a sitter for several hours, and seriously hashing it all out? Going to see the "Fireproof" movie?). Cheating is never the answer, but you know that, or you wouldn't have posted this. I think you should try to fix your marriage and if that really doesn't work, get out of the marriage and then follow your fantasies. I don't condone divorce, but I was married to an abuser the first time. I left him and now I'm married to wonderful man. Best of luck to you.

    Answer by divakristi at 9:44 AM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • If I was in the position you are in now, I would seek for professional counseling for help on rekindeling my marriage. The thoughts of other men HAVE TO get out of your head. Through the eyes of god, you are basically committing adulty. Where is your faith at the moment? Stop and think about all of the negative things that are controling your life at the moment. What can you change in your heart that could stop these thoughts from coming in your life? Once you have achieved that goal then YOU will know what to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • A) sounds like hubby isn't treating you very well.
    B) thinking about it and doing it are two different things, everyone has fantasys
    C) If the only reason you want to stay with him is because of your child, then you might want to try counseling.

    Me personally, I'd leave, live my own life and I ended up with a better guy, more power to me, I learned a long time ago not to stick around when the guy treats me like crap.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jan. 29, 2009