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Has my daughter lost her mind??

I am still in shock. My 18 year old daughter just returned to college in rural NY after winter break. Or so I thought. Actullay, my normal homebody daughter drove straight to Miami, Florida to meet up with a 19 year old guy that she met on the Internet!! She kept putting us off about seeing her grades. It turns out that she failed out of schoool (because of spending so much time on this "Ninja'" website) & just took off without a word. We only found out because the wonderful mother of my daughter's friend called to tell me. So, here is my question: My daughter wants to make it on her own. She has my credit card with $14,000 line of credit & a few hundred dollars. Neither she nor boyfriend has a job. Do I let her use the card or cancel it? I don't want her to be stranded if she needs to get home. But I don't want a huge bill I can't pay. Do I pay the phone bill? It's the only way I can stay in touch. Do I let her manage? Help!

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Asked by Darkwolf at 11:57 AM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (43)
  • ohhhhh that card would be so canceled. she wanted to lie to you make you think she was in skool and just took off without any worries cuz she has moms credit card. no cancel it.

    Answer by jodi205 at 12:00 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I would say, cancel the card, keep up the phone and just wait for her to see what it's like in the real world. Sometimes you have to fall flat on your face to understand what life is all about, when she does figure it out and calls asking for help, offer to bring her home, then lay down some rules that will help her learn to support herself. Sometimes tough love is the best love, good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I would cancel it b/c you can always send her a ticket when it comes down to coming home and as for the phone I would put a lock on it. So if she hits a certain billing amt. it just turns off basically. She needs to see if she can do it but you can't completely bail on her. I tried something like this when I was 19. I was super close to my mom. I still tried to move almost 5 states away to were I grew up to try it. I was home in a couple months b/c I just couldn't stay that far away from my mom.

    Answer by watersgirls at 12:02 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I would call her and tell her the jig is up and youre aware of what shes up to and you h ave canceled the card. Tell her she is going to have to get a job and try and make it on her own if thats her choice and that you still love her but not her choices. Tell her you wont let her have that line of credit when you dont even know the guy shes with and the fact she hid it and hasnt even mentioned him makes you wonder about his charactor. If she needs something and has a legitimate need tell her she can call and ask for help, but she isnt going to just have access to money she didnt earn.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:06 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Well she lied and she shouldnt have but...... i wouldnt cancel her card until she has a job, give her a time line and say you have to have a job by such and such time and then the card will be cancled!! I couldnt leave my daughter stranded id pay her bills in that timeline i gave her and if she didnt have a job by that time then i would take precautions!! When she gets on her feet maybe ask her to help pay off the card since she did used it while lying to you!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 12:06 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • OMG lady you must be so stressed out!!!! I thought it was bad when my son quit community college. You are in my thoughts and prayers...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Id cancel that card so quick her head would spin!!!! If she wants to make it on her own she needs to be making it on her own? Does she own her car or do you? Does she pay the insurance or do you? I'd take that sucker too...good luck mom. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. God Bless

    Answer by mamakirs at 12:19 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Cancel that card Mom...and fast. If she wants to be an adult she's gonna have to act like one. Tough love is whats needed here. Good luck and God Bless

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 12:26 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Yeah, I thought is was bad when my daughter decided not to go back about one week before classes started and was immediately dropped from health insurance. But hey, she had a job and an apartment and told us. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you can't bring yourself to cancel the credit card (I agree with all the previous posters who recommended canceling credit card and keeping the phone going.) At least check the credit card usage daily so if she does start spending like crazy you can stop it before she takes you to a place you don't want to be. So sorry

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • call your daughter let her know that if she wants to live on her own and not go to school she needs to get a JOB. Let her know you are going to cancel her credit card, I would pay her phone bill so I could keep n touch.


    Answer by mommiedear at 1:13 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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