Next Question, Please »
Answers / Parenting / Adult Children (18+)
5 Bumps

Why do people

Get so mad when someone tells them the truth. My aunt has been told for years that her son has issues with listening and to correct him yet she's has said year after year that he is just a child and to let him be.Well that was back in the toddler years,he then started being rude to his dad and sister but that was also ok because he was only 5 it went on and on and all she did was excuse him and protect him at age 14 he was doing heavy drugs and well now that he is prison which surprises none of us my aunt still refuses to say it was wrong of her to excuse him all those years.It was always ok for him to not listen be rude and do as he pleased it was always because he was little because he was a boy because his dad is a jerk.It never was her excusing.I truly stay out it but i don't get why she doenst get it.Is there any point now that he is in his 30's do you think he could change when he comes out or do you think he just needs to stay away from his mom.

Answer Question
  • SHARE THIS QUESTION:
  •  
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on May. 28, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • I don't think anyone does.Some people need it some don't.Denial is a big word for people.
    GivingTreeMommy

    Answer by GivingTreeMommy at 3:40 PM on May. 28, 2012

  • She probably DOES get it but doesn't want to risk the "I told you so" chorus that's bound to come from the admission.

    If prison itself doesn't rehabilitate him (and too many prisons don't), I don't see a lot of help. He doesn't need mom's approval anymore. At age 30 nothing she says is going to matter to him. The best she can do is refuse to provide him drugs/weapons/money for either.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:04 PM on May. 28, 2012

  • IMO, he won't change because he has been conditioned to think that nothing is his fault.

    Sadly this is happening to a lot of kids in society today.
    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 4:06 PM on May. 28, 2012

  • I'm sorry!

    Anyone can change. It's not easy & there are a lot of things that stand in the way of real change, but it's not fundamentally impossible for anybody.

    I am not sure what she is supposed to get. That she was wrong all those years & the present situation is proof of it? (As in, she is the reason for all that has happened?) I don't think there's a way to know "The Reason" things turned out the way they did for your cousin is that your aunt made excuses for him. It seems unlikely things would go that way without a constellation of conditions, combined with non-optimal responses to them (hers & others'.)

    I think authoritarianism is the flip side of permissiveness--two sides of the same coin rather than completely "different" animals with different outcomes. Plenty of people in prison (or living life with some degree of impairment or dysfunction) were "held accountable" for their behavior, blamed & punished.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:26 PM on May. 29, 2012

  • We have a very similar issue with a family member. The son is now 24 with 2 kids by different girls, no job, criminal record, he and the teenage wife live in Mom/Dads basement, refuse to have anything to do with their one year old, etc, etc....we all listened to years of he's just being a boy/ he has learning disabilities/ no one "gets" him....


    Reality has hit my SIL, they are in process of custody battle for the baby and she is coming to grips with her part in creating this monster, sad to watch, but as family we will stand by her and BIL, but have decided on tough love for the nephew (and no contact).
    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 11:29 AM on May. 30, 2012

  • may be him going to prison will change they way he thinks.
    21Brook

    Answer by 21Brook at 2:13 PM on Jun. 3, 2012

  • She doesn't want to except the truth
    mommys2cupcakes

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 1:38 PM on Jun. 5, 2012

  • Sounds like that boy needed early intervention - which he didn't get, that is the end result.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 4:36 PM on Jun. 6, 2012

  • Some people need it some don't
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 9:52 PM on Aug. 6, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
Answers / Parenting / Adult Children (18+)

Check out some of the top posts today in Groups: