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How can i get thru to my 2yr old???

My 2yr old daughter is a nightmare (even thou i love her to bits). She constantly tells me "NO" or tells me to be quiet when i tell her something is bad. She will scream at the top of her lungs and have a hissy fit if she dosent get something or something gets taken away. What do I do? I have tried time outs, slap her hand, yell, sweet talk, naps... HELP PLEASE!

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MamaMudd7

Asked by MamaMudd7 at 3:10 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • How are you doing time outs? Here's how I do them...
    When the fit starts, I take her to her time out spot. I stay nearby to make certain she stays put and to make certain she doesn't hurt herself but I ignore her. I let her scream and cry as long as she wants while I pretend to do something else. If she is there for breaking a rule, not just throwing a fit, then her time-out time starts once she is completely calm. After that, I take her in my lap and say three sentences like these:
    I know you were angry when I said no cookies.
    Cookies are a treat, not a food.
    Let's find a tasty food for lunch.
    It seems to help that I let her know that I know how angry she was and why.

    Of course, if I ask her anything, her automatic response is "no daddy"... even though I'm mommy and even when I'm offering something like cookies! The "no daddy" response is pre-programmed for any question right now.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:39 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I am wondering how consistent you have been (not in a bad way mind you!) Sometimes new parents will try something a couple of times and when it doesnt work they move on to the next method. But the reality is you have to try something for about two weeks for a toddler to "get it". Have you been getting down on her level when she tantrums? If you havent tried this already here is what I do. (My daughter is two). Lets say we are out somewhere and she grabs something off the shelf...
    First I give her the choice of putting it back herself that way she still feels like she has control, but I tell not ask (seriously kids are smart if you ask they are going to say no) So I will say something like "Elliana we are not going to get that today put it back on the shelf please.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:22 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I make my instruction very very specific and I say it to her in a friendly but firm tone. If she says no I take the item from her and say "We arent going to get this today lets put it back and go look at the (insert distraction here). Hopefully she goes for the distraction (and dont offer a replacement item every time because that will only teach her that to get something from you she merely has to refuse to do what you say) instead make it something already on your list or just something fun to look at together. For example "mommy needs vacuum bags lets go look at those.) If she doesnt take the bait and starts screaming you get down on eye level and say in a firm but low voice (lowering your voice often will cause the child to lower theirs in order to hear what you are saying) " Elliana this is innappropriate behavior we dont behave this way, if you cant calm down you need to go to time out."
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:28 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Label the behavior as bad not the child. You should only repeat this three times counting each time. Make sure to be very detailed as to what the problem is and what will happen if she doesnt solve the problem and what her options are. Its very common for toddlers to get so worked up that they cant process their emotions. Its helpful to them to have options so that they dont make a poor emotional reaction. So back to my example "Elliana this is innappropriate behavior we dont behave this way if you cannot calm down we have to go to time out. One (pause for three seconds to give child a chance to respond between counting) . Repeat your request stating that you dont like the behavior she has the option to act like shes supposed to or you will take her to calm down. Two pause repeat Three. If by this point she hasnt calmed down make sure you carry through with her consequence.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • It sounds like common sense I am sure but tons TONS of parents will try to bargain or plead or keep counting. YOU are in control they are two they dont get the option of behaving they are expected to. Even if you are in public you can always find a corner or take her to the bathroom or walk outside the store for a time out. Dont threaten to take things away because long term punishments are too vague for a toddler. They arent going to remember that you threatened to take away dessert they arent going to understand why and consequently that ruins the punishment right there. Dont worry too much you sound like a great mom and trust me ALL toddlers do what yours is doing. You will have to react this way every time for a few weeks to see results but it works for me.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:38 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My DD is a good one for throwing fits right now too. We do time out, but it took me awhile to figure out the "right" way for us to do it. As soon as the fit starts, I warn her that time out is coming if she doesn't stop. If the behavior continues, then we go to time out. I make her walk to time out and sit down. She can cry, scream, whatever, she doesn't get up. She is 2, so she needs to sit there for 2 minutes. When she quiets down, I start timing her. She knows that as long as she continues to act out, she'll have to sit in time out. If she calms down and can apologize, or whatever's needed, then she can get up. She is a holy terror too right now, you're not alone. It has to get better, right, lol?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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