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How do you handel family that do not want to abide by your wishes for your children?

Here is my story. My family are the only people that take our children overnight. My Mother had the 2 oldest last weekend over night. My 3 yr old daughter comes home most times sick and with a fever. I had her at the doc this week and he told me that she is alergic to alergins in the cig. smoke. I told my Mother that and she said "We are not going to go out side and smoke" and "She fallows me where ever I go what am I to do then" I told her to wait to smoke those cancer sticks until she can be by herself. I guess that is not an option for her! ARGG! So now we are not going to have our children go over there any more at least to spend the nights. I hate that she feels the way she does! I just want my kids healthy and safe. How hard is that? I am so fustrated with it!

 
jem102675

Asked by jem102675 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,345 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Well, you are right not to let your daughter go over there anymore. However, I don't think it is right for you to ask your mother to stop smoking in her own house. My mom smokes & I hate it, but I wouldn't ask her to stop in her house. Maybe your mom will get the hint if she doesn't see her grandaughter for awhile. I'm not trying to be rude, so please don't take it that way.
    themacs4

    Answer by themacs4 at 3:35 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I had that problem with my grandma. She would allow the kids to eat themselves sick on sweets but not make them eat healthy food when they were with her. I had a talk with her about it, and how they come home physically sick to their stomachs after visiting her, and that she needed to cut back on the sweets. She did not see the harm with her spoiling them and considered it a part of her privilages. I have her one warning and then would not let them visit without me there the entire time. she got tired of never seeing them since I worked so much, and finally agreed to follow my rules with them.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 3:36 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My inlaws both smoke and we lived with them when my dd was born. I asked them not to smoke around my dd and they didnt but they still smoked in their home. So my dh and me moved out. My dd goes and visits them on friday nights and I am well aware they smoke but my dd doesnt have any allergies and I do believe its important for her to have a bond with her grandparents. My husband was raised around the smoke. I was raised around smoke. None of us have any health issues because of it. I ask them to smoke outside when shes over but who knows if they do. I guess I look at the long term emotional well being of my kids. I am also a grandma myself now and know if my dd ever asked me to stop doing something in my home Id laugh in her face. I figure when I watch my grandson its a break for her. If she doesnt want it then too bad. I understand your frustration but whose the real loser in this? Them? you? Your children?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Your mother isn't willing to change her habits to have your children around. She shouldn't have to. It's unfortunate that she is willing to give up the kids for the cigs.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 4:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • With Royal Fireworks. (sorry, a little Handel humor that nobody's going to get)

    The previous poster who said that your mom's not going to change is correct. Her "need" for the cigarettes is not something she can just put off, physically speaking. She's an addict. Hopefully this will give her the impetus she needs to quit, but if not then that's all you can do. Please don't look at it as though she'd rather smoke than be with your kids, though. She's under the influence of one of the most powerful drugs out there.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 5:10 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My mother quit for 2 yrs and just started again just recently. I only ask her to not smoke because she was one that was all about not having it around the kids in the first place. But now that she started again, it is like dr jeckel and mr hide with this situatiuon with her! I just get fustrated specialy now that I found out my daughter is alergic to it.
    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 5:18 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • It's really sad when people won't change their habits for the sake of the health of their children. My son ended up in the ER when he was a month old because of cigarette smoke. After that his grandpa quit cold turkey. He says the sight of his grandson getting medication from a nebulizer did it for him. I'm greatful he took it upon himself to do this rather then me having to ask him to quit and amking me look like the bad guy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Jan. 29, 2009