Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Why do you think people are so unhappily married?

I am no expert but I do see a growing trend...
1 we verbally trash our mate, ...to the point even tv advertisements are getting in on the hit jobs. It is like we clip the balls off our men and wonder why they can no longer function.

2 we expect them to act like our BFF...and get really pissed when they can not "read our mind", flatter us to no end, get bored listening to us sometimes.

Why are we less and less willing to allow our husbands to be our husbands?  We marry them, then expect them to live up to this magical list in our heads that we have not even clearly defined...and wonder why they are so "stupid" or  "lazy"  "emotionally unavailable" or not living up to our standards of what we wanted to have as a man.  Let our girlfriends be our girlfriends but lets let our husbands be our husbands.

Admit it ladies...how many of our men got the stink eye today?


Why oh why ?

Answer Question
 
SFerber

Asked by SFerber at 2:16 AM on May. 31, 2012 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,032 Credits)
Answers (38)
  • Question - Why do you think people are so unhappily married?

    Because they failed to understand or talk about their expectations for the marriage. They don't stand up for themselves, they don't speak up.
    Not all relationships are forever, it's important to know and accept when the relationship ends and you need to move on.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:12 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • On your first point I have stood and listened to men and women alike bashing their partner. Me and my husband were going throught a rough patch a few years ago and I would have to vent about some of the things he was putting me through. We have since overcame our issues and made an agreement to not bash eachother behind their back. If one of us has a grief we are to bring it to the others attention and talk it out and come to some kind of a conclusion.
    On your second point at first I did get upset at my husband for not being more romantic by my definition. It took me a few years to see he was being romatic by his own definition. My definition was big lavish unrealistic things. His definition is going to work to provide for us and buying me the perfect card on anniversaries and birthdays. I first had to mature to see he was being romatic the whole time I was just too childish to see it. He developed into my BFF. cont
    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 7:31 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • How about you just worry about your own relationship and let other people live their own lives?
    Like anon pointed out back there,men are not innocent in this. Some treat women like sex toys and housekeepers and are emotionally vacant.
    my husband and I sat down and talked about what we expected out of marriage and we do amazingly well.
    my husband IS my best friend. if i couldn't go to him with my feelings,what kind of union would that be?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:32 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • We just celebrated our 12 year anniversary and our relationship is so much stronger than when we first got married. Relationships evolve some grow stronger, some don't.  It takes alot of work to maintain a healthy relationship, but it is a two way street.  We as women are more emotional but men aren't off the hook.  They can be as complex as us women.

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 7:36 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • wow..sounds like you hit a nerve with some girls. lol.
    as always, lots to ponder in your words. :))
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:14 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • You are painfully correct in your assessment. In my almost 66 years of life, I've had the unfortunate privilege of watching this trend develop. I believe it began with the onset of the "women's movement." Before that, it was believed that having a good wife made a man a good husband. Not so any more. Men have been seen and portrayed as being weak, stupid, and really not of much worth except for sex. They have been feminized emotionally. If they don't relate to us as other women do, they are thought to "just not get it." The truth is that women crave to be loved by their husbands, while men crave to be respected by their wives. When a man knows that he is respected, he will love the socks right off his wife. So we ladies have shot ourselves in the foot by disrespecting our men. In courtship, we do show some admiration and send positive vibes. Imagine a man's confusion when he sees all that disappear.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:30 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • I see a lot of men and women belittle each other . it really can go both ways , treat each other with no respect, they act as if they do more than the other partner, demand things of the other partner and think they need certain things in order to have a good life, most people around my area are so petty and childish I am surprised they even have a relationship . but I try not to judge their life , if it works for them fine, but I could never expect a certain income from my hubby and not want him to expect it from me, demand he take care of the kids so I can have free time or him do me that way. demand he help clean the house and he doesn't expect it from me, I never belittle him at all and respect his decisions even if I don't agree, he is his own person and not my child so I don't treat him as if he were a child, I see that one a lot and it is sickening grown men answering to their wives because they are afraid .
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 10:39 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • Because people are human, and human beings are not perfect.

    For some couples, it is their own fault. Lack of communication is a HUGE reason. Some, one person is really trying while the other just doesn't care...and it takes TWO people to make a marriage work. And lastly, but probably not the last reason, just the last one I can think of...people "fall out of" love too quickly, and don't realize that love is a verb, not a noun, something you CHOOSE to do, not just something you feel.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:52 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • SFerber, the TV advertising "trend" is nothing new. That's been going on, oh, since the first TV and radio commercials.

    What I see more than anything else is people diving into marriage too soon.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:52 AM on May. 31, 2012

  • I think when you write something as a generalization like you did, it causes people to get their back up over it. Sure, there are some commercials that belittle men. There are some tv shows that emasculate them. There are some marriages that mimic this and those marriages may be very unhappy. But to generalize it to MOST marriages would be doing a disservice to a great many husband and wives. I personally know no marriages like this. People tend to belittle each other out of sense of insecurity and need for control. If you have two people secure in themselves, and able to share in the roles of the marriage, then the scenario you painted doesn't exist...
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:53 AM on May. 31, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.