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Would you break up just because of sex?

My hubby and I used to have sex every other day, until I got pregnant. Now that our baby is 6 months old, we still barely EVER do it. I want it all the freaken time. He cybered with women online and masturbated to porn a few times a week, which I did not find out until a couple of months ago, and he stopped. I really want the intimacy of sex and I've told him that it is important to me, but he still doesn't want to make out/make love to me. But he doesn't treat me like crap. He hugs me and gives me little kisses on the cheek (which is not enough for me) and he's the sweetest father to our son. I'm a sahm for now and even though he has to go to work at 10, he'll get up at 9 to feed our baby, change him, put him back, kiss me goodbye and just let me sleep. I hate to think that I must be a bad person to not be happy just because of sex. Sorry if this was hard to follow, but advice please?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Well I am in the same boat . We have barley have no sex life now. Or even in the past..


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • OP here.. well see that's the difference, we had a healthy sex life before, and he always wanted to have sex. I guess that's what makes it so hard for me to just accept it. It's not as if I knew he was like this when we got married. =(

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Did you ask him what's changed for him?

    Answer by Apr1l at 5:11 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • my issue isn't sex... but you are married so you should try to work it out to the best of your ability. Maybe you should go to couples therapy or something and try to air out the issue. Im sure he wants to make you happy.

    Answer by kristal2146 at 5:11 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Have you asked him why he isn't interested? DH was like this for a little bit and it turned out all he wanted was for me to step up to the plate and take charge.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Have you thought about the possibility of him having an affair? He might not be initiating sex because he is already getting that need filled elsewhere. I am not saying he is, just that it's a possibility. If he crossed the line into having cyber sex with someone (I consider that cheating) then he might cross the line into meeting that person. Just a thought. But if I were you, I would sit down and ask him what the deal is. Have you tried initiating sex and he turned you down?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • OP here.. yes I've asked and he said he wasn't sure but he just knows that he didn't feel like having sex with someone pregnant, and after the baby he doesn't know why he isn't back to normal yet. It's not just his sex drive, in my opinion, because like I said, I found out he masturbated a few times a week.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • me again.. he isn't having an affair, and I have thought of that possibility but now it's ruled out. And believe it or not, he really didn't consider cyber sex cheating because it wasn't physical. I have initiated before and he didn't flat out turn me down but the way he acted as if he wasn't very interested made me just want to stop. He let me touch him and everything but I don't know how to explain.. I just could feel that he wasn't in the mood.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Well then something is up because a woman initiating sex and the man not being interested is NOT normal behavior. It's really not normal for a man or woman. Are you 100% sure he isn't having an affair? It sure sounds like it. Have you checked his emails and phone logs and all of that stuff? Pleasuring yourself is easy compared to the whole sex thing. It takes less time, less energy, etc. If he is in that routine, it might be hard to break. Every man is different so it's hard to tell you what to do. But he needs some help because his behavior is not normal.

    Answer by DDry at 5:21 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • oh man...this sucks. My man is kinda the same way. He likes sex and we have it a few times a week but he still jacks off to porn alot and he NEVER initiates with me. I am always rubbing on him to start things going. It's annoying and I have decided to sit back and wait to see how long it takes him to come to me. If he doesn't, I'm going through his computer again. Men.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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