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My husband is a control freak!! He truely controls almost every move I make. I have been trying to make myself leave but as unhappy as I am it is really hard to do it. My husband says he will go to marraige counseling if I will stay. I am almost unwilling to go after so many promises to change have been broken. Have any of you been to marriage counseling for this problem and has it really worked?

I don't get to talk to my family without a fight and name calling. I can't wear or use things anyone other than he got for me without a cussing screaming fight ( a pair of socks, a purse, jacket, etc). I can not buy things for myself or my children without harsh criticism or being cussed. The list goes on and on.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would say he needs personal help, more than just help with your marriage. But I think you owe it to your kids to at least try marriage counseling. Just make it clean to him that he has this one chance. You need to give it several months though. But as long as he knows that he needs to make a change for long term. I am a very independent person and thankfully, my husband doesn't try to control me. I had an ex like that though. I did what I wanted though and when he freaked, I told him to get over it and if he screamed, I left. If you have to, get your kids and "disappear" for the day. Take them to the mall or something just to let him cool off. But you need to at least try to fix things. Maybe a therapist can open his eyes.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 5:35 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I used to have a boyfriend like this. Not at all the same as being married with children I know, but still I have felt trapped in a controlling relationship. I lived on the other side of the country from my family and was in isolation except for him. I finally left and was much better off for it. Again, I did not have kids with this guy so it was different. My point is that a few years later he called me and apologized for being crazy and said that he was always pushing me to see how far he could go and was always hoping that I'd stand up to him. So maybe your husband just needs you to stand up to him in counseling? Of course the same guy called me up another couple years after that call to tell me it was all my fault again. I say give counseling a shot and be open minded, but don't be shocked if it doesn't work out.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:47 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • You need to get out because it will only get worse. If he keeps breaking his promises counseling isn't going to change him, if your marriage is going to survive you need to stand up to him.

    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 5:59 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I think you should get a restraining order & get away.You don't deserve this.
    sweetest-sin7

    Answer by sweetest-sin7 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Why the hell would anyone stay in a relationship like this?? A pair of socks?? Get out, get a job and an apartment and stay away from him. You tell him not everything is about him and it's ur body and u don't tell him what to wear or do. Your a human and u should call ur mom or someone. Step up or you'll be there forever. Have u even said anything to him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Hardest thing you'll ever do, but leave him. Move closer to family if you have a decent relationship with them or try to do it on your own but leave, it'll get worse.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:08 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My ex was controlling but not THAT bad. Sounds like it could get dangerous if you tried to leave. You both need help in dealing with this.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:10 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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