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is it my right as his wife? am i asking too much?

okay so background...my computer crashed so i asked hubs if i could use his (he's away until march training). he said i could only use it if i promised not to delete his 500+ pictures of naked women. reluctantly i agreed. he knows i hate porn (there's a painful personal history as to why). it took me 2 years to get him to throw out his magazines and dvds. but now i find out just how much of it he's got on his computer. he knows it hurts me, he knows why. but he refuses to get rid of it. would it be wrong of me to delete it all? i mean, we're going to start counseling after he gets done with training, since we have other issues we need to work on, but his "need" for porn is a big one.

do i have the right, i mean, is it too much of me to ask for him to get rid of it? i know he won't get rid of it on his own, so i feel like it's up to me to do it. i know he'll be mad if i delete it, but i'm willing to take that chance.

 
KelseyNovy87

Asked by KelseyNovy87 at 9:26 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Okay first of all why does he need to look at other naked women? You're his damn wife and he should be looking at your naked body not someone else's. I'd delete every damn bit of it and if he didn't like that then I'd run his laptop over. Screw keeping your word as a wife and promising not to delete it. Your husband is addicted to porn and needs some help and you are also his wife who is having her feelings hurt and God knows what all you're going through mentally because of this! Sometimes , us women have to think about ourselves and no one else. Sorry but I wouldn't and couldn't put up with that !!!!
    Angie32Red

    Answer by Angie32Red at 9:45 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • If you agreed you have to stand by your word. Focusing on your rights as his wife will cause problems.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 9:28 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Yall need therapy. He doesn't seem to think porn is harmful to him, your marriage, or himself (not to mention the children) and you don't seem to think you have the right to have a private marriage- just you and him, no one else allowed!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I guess you don't really have the right to delete them, but I have to question why you would be with someone with a porn obsession being someone who is obviously so against it? If you have explained to your husband why you don't want porn in the house, or in your life at all, and he tells you he NEEDS it he either needs counseling or he's just being selfish and disrespectful.
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 9:29 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I wouldn't just because if you do go to counseling maybe he'll be able to delete them himself, and that would be a great big step in the right direction. You deleting them is just going to make him mad and cause a lot more drama.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • BTW, I agree that you have the right to a marriage that is between you two, no porn involved. I just think that focusing on that will cause problems. Go for the counseling and see if you can figure out how to refocus the marriage on the two of you as a couple. But don't delete it after you told him you wouldn't.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 9:31 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • My DH had a computer full of porn before we got married but I made him delete ALL of it. If he wouldn't have done it I would have done it for him. I don't think a married man needs to or has the right to look at ANY other naked woman than his wife!
    yunglovers143

    Answer by yunglovers143 at 9:32 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • You do not have the right and you should not delete them. What will happen if you do? He'll be mad at you and learn to distrust you. That won't help your marriage. You and he really need counseling.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I wouldn't because you promised, but it sounds like a porn addiction to me and just like alcohol addiction nictine addiction its hard to stop it, what he needs is counseling and professional help to get rid of it, he needs to wake up from his fantasy because that is what porn is and realize you matter the most and so do your kiddos. i hope everything works out good luck!
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 9:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • If you delete them it only makes it worse, I am a wife that doesnt care about the nonsense of porn in reaslity men watch it cause they need visuals and not to mention these women get paid to have sex on film so I don't care if my husband watches - strip joints are a total different subject though, anyways your marriage whatever you do don't delte them since you did make the promise and when he gets out of trianing go to counceling and have him delete them himself
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 9:42 PM on Jan. 29, 2009