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Should I get a divorce and move back to Ohio?

I've been married 3 miserable years, and two of them I made the mistake of moving with my husband for a career opportunity in New Jersey. In Ohio, I had a great career myself, lots of friends, and both of our families still reside in our hometown. I am MISERABLE here in NJ. It's a lovely state, and I've made some good friends here, but it is basically me and my husband taking care of our son (or mostly ME). I've been thinking about divorce for about a year now, since there hasn't been a day that's gone by that we haven't argued or fought or screamed at each other. We've tried counseling (6 months), but he assumes that all our problems would go away if I would just submit to his ways. I really want to move back to OH, but I'm scared: that would be a HUGE undertaking of divorce, moving 750miles, custody of our son, and rebuiding the life I once had. Or I can stay here and die inside. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Jan. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • maybe you and hubby can make the decision to move together and use it as a stepping stone to better work on your communication skills. explain to him honestly how you feel about him and why you want to move. he might surprise you if you are sincere and honest with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Only you can decide what you should do. As long as you've put in the effort to make your marriage work then that is all you can do. Just be prepared for a custody battle. Since your son has lived in NJ for over 6 months that is his state of residence (at least by most states laws) so when you file for custody you will have to do everything through the NJ court system. If you can some how put off any custody agreements for at least 6 months after you move back to OH then you will be able to do everything through the OH court system. I think you should really look into all of this and prepare yourself for every angle that your husband could possibly take. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • LIfe is too short to be miserable-go w/ your heart.Nobody can tell you what to do-for you already seem to now deep inside.A different path is always harder b/c its out of our comfort zone.Ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow (not trying to be morbid)what would you regret?Don't base your decision on fear but what would be best for you & your child.What kind of environment do you want your child to grow up in?I think you'll make the right decision-good luck!
    soldiersgirl531

    Answer by soldiersgirl531 at 10:20 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • Okay you went thru 6 months of counseling and he still wants you to do things his way! What a ba*tard! Girl, move back to Ohio and take your son with you. The marriage is done and was long gone a long time ago. There's no way on God's green Earth he would ever get custody of your son due to the arguements, yelling, fighting and how he disrespects you . You and your son deserve better. Your son deserves to grow up happy and in a happy home. Go with your gut and don't be scared about it. Get your ducks in a row before you go. Ask for help from your family in friends in Ohio and if you have to go buy a tape recorder and hide it to prove how your husband is when it's time to go to court.
    Angie32Red

    Answer by Angie32Red at 10:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I vote against the dying inside (or out). Why not just move back to Ohio and see how that works. Maybe some time apart will help you figure things out in your marriage. There is no law that says you have to get a divorce right now. That just sounds like too many major decisions at one time imo. (moving and divorce) Take one at a time. Find yourself again then work on the relationship or not.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:57 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • I agree with admckenzie...at least try a seperation to see how things go. Although I will say this...I have been married for almost 12 years. Several years ago, things happened which for all intensive purposes suggested to me that I should divorce my husband and move on with my life. But I couldn't for reasons related to our child, but now that our child is much older, the idea of leaving my husband now is even MORE difficult ... our son is so attached and close to him and I worry about what will happen to my son's development if we break up the family. I know what you mean about dying inside...I feel that often. I suggest making decisions now and not waiting too long. The longer you wait, the harder things get.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • It sounds like you already know the answer, but want someone else to confirm it for you. Divorce is always difficult, but sometimes it can be the best thing for everyone. I am not a believer in staying together for the child's sake...what benefit is it to a child to have both parents in the home if all they do is fight and hate each other?
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 7:28 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

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