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So i really dont love my husband and we have stayed together, for 2 years now cause of the baby.. Finacially I know I cant affort these kids on my own.. with all of his bills which im sure half would be mine.. should I stay and make sure some get paid off and then leave or what?? he knows im not in love with him anymore.. but he is always talking about killing himself ect. I guess at this point I am at a lose like what can I do. I owe money on my car. my cards are maxed out.. and he is justing making things worse should i just wait it or leave i have looked, and after taxes i make about 1800 this area im not gonna get a 2 bedroom for less then 800-900 and then daycare still have to pay almost 200 true DSHS. and with half the bills i know i couldnt do it... anyone got any advice??

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Jan. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I am not trying to tell you to stay with someone that you don't love anymore. Or that you should stay together because you have kids. I know how you feel. We went through a similar situation. I debated on leaving for about a year. We had a few good times and a lot of bad times. No big events or any specific reasons. We were just not getting along and had lots of issues. At the time, we were also having a lot of financial issues. It sounds like you maybe having some financial issues too (cards maxed out, debt w/your car). Financial issues can put a HUGE strain on any relationship.

    Again, I am not trying to tell you to do something you don't want to. But I am happy that we made it through our hard times. It took about 1 year. It was a long time. But I think we are stronger for it.

    Good luck whatever you decide.

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • thanks for the reply.. its not really money.. he really just is to much for me.. he is miltary and he just always things that something is wrong and flips out.. the money thing is more that he spents and spents for no reason... he dont care about the kids at all.. dont do nothing with them.. and he drinks alot i just feel like im stuck.. like lived apart for almost a year.. and he would stake me.. stupid me for going back when i had away out back then.. but im just scared that he is gonna kill himself and i feel like i cant live with all his bills and two kids in the toddler years.. i could do it if i didnt have all the debt.. i think.. i dont know.. i feel like maybe its me maybe i just making up not being happy.. he is great sometimes its just like we have nothing im commen and the though of him touching me makes me sick.. i dont know whats wrong with me..

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I'd say ... as long as he is not abusive...stay for at least another 2 years and get a technical college degree (if you don't have one). This will greatly increase your pay, so if at the end of the 2 years, you still aren't getting along, you can afford to go. You may also work things out in the mean time, and might be glad you stayed. Women who can leave if they want to, usually are respected more by their husbands anyway - but then they don't want to go. If a man know you are stuck with him for financial reasons - he doesn't have to be as nice or considerate

    Answer by FlyMom07 at 1:20 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Hmmm...well, I was writing my pp and didn't see new reply. He does sound abusive. You may just have to figure out how to get out. Contact a woman's shelter for advice.

    Answer by FlyMom07 at 1:24 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • she if u can stay with a friend or family until u get on your feet and some bills paid off you have to remember he will have to pay child support do stay for the baby and dont stay to avoid moving in with fmaily i mean if there is no way that u can stay with some one and u have to wait then wait but if its just u and 1 or two kids u can get a one bedroom and put the kids in the bedroom and u sleep in the living room its hard but you can do it def. dont let his threats keep u theyr regaurdless of what ppl say that is abuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its emotional abuse not only to you but to kids too get out

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:29 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • It sounds like he is having some psychiatric problems. Can you see a therapist? Maybe someone that works with the military. Has he always been like this or just recently?

    Again, I am not trying to tell you to stay with someone if you feel like he is abusive.

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Yeah i looked at a one bedroom.. i also get the taxes back and we have agreed to split it.. and i can do with it what i want thats maybe 1500 so im gonna save it.. deffently want to save it so that i can get on my own.. i dont have family or friends in the us.. and i do feel like i have tried and tried.. we went to see a couples therapist, and he just gave the guy bs about how its me thats the problem.. and it just didnt help he wasnt like this at first but been this way for the last 2 years.. i though about since im am almost done with my degree and stuff.. and he is going to go on deployeement like 3 months after he gets back.. and he will be gone for a year.. that once he gets back off that i would have money saved up so that i could do it on my own.. but is that mean.. or evil to do... i mean really we havent had sex 18 months.. he knows i dont want to be with him..

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I think that even though he will pay the childsupport already looked in to it isnt not alot.. then he wont see them and he wont do nothing for them but if i finish which i would be by the time he gets back i could have my degree that clearly if i could get a job pays almost 3 times what i make now.. but i guess i want to know is it wrong of me to wait.. i mean i know it sounds cold but shouldnt i think of whats good for my kids..

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • if he's going to be gone for a year anyway, i dont think its that horrible to wait it out for awhile. i mean you do need to have a plan a way to support yourself. if you can wait it out until your degree and a little money saved i say go for it. however, if you feel like its not a safe environment for you or your kids you need to leave as soon as you can.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:51 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • You chose him for life when you married him and made babies with him. Love is a choice, and this is the man you chose. You don't just choose once. You choose every day to love this man with every fiber of your being, to make him the best man he can possibly be, and you tell him that he is that man that you chose and that you will love him forever, just like you pledged to do. Today is my 44th wedding anniversary, and I am still choosing to love my husband. That's the way it works. Fuzzy feelings come and go, but love comes to stay, and it comes when you choose a man from all the others in this world. Troubles will come, many because of the bad choices we make, like too much debt, but you stay and you work them out together, and in the end, you will find that your resolve to choose him has just gotten stronger, and thus you love him more. It's not a business arrangement--it's a lifetime committment that you made.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:43 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

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