Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do other people care whether or not my baby is spoiled??

I am not talking about family or friends, I mean aquaintances and even complete strangers. Earlier today I was at the store and this lady came up to my 6 week old sleeping in his carseat in the cart and took the pacifier out of his mouth! Then she started lecturing me about how I am spoiling him! It took all of the willpower I have to not slap her in the face (if my baby had started crying because of this I would have slapped her for sure). Why is it any of her business whether or not my son is spoiled? How would it possibly affect her if my son likes to suck on a pacifier?? I am SOO fed up with people giving unsolicited advice to me about how to raise my son. If I want to co-sleep, breastfeed, hold him every possible second I can why does it bother complete strangers or people I hardly know? If I want to "spoil" my children than that is my business.

Answer Question

Asked by AnnaMac at 1:55 AM on Jan. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I know many people are "well-meaning" and I have learned to smile and nod to their advice. But I am talking about the people who lecture and lecture me on "spoiling" my kids by holding them, ect, ect.

    Answer by AnnaMac at 1:56 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • if some stranger took a pacifier out of my sons mouth i would have let her have it. that is not her place or of any of her concern. when my son was about 3 months old we went to walmart and he kicked one of his shoes off while sitting in his seat on the cart. Rather to take the time to put it back on i just took the other off and put them in his bag, it was july and its not like he was going to walk anywhere so i didnt think it really mattered. well apparently it did matter to some stranger who took time out of her day to tell me that i needed to stop being so selfish and buy some shoes for my son. People just need to mind their own business. Geesh!

    Answer by Chandra034 at 2:03 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • OMG! If someone were to walk up to my child and take the pasifier out of her mouth i would PUNCH them in the face without even hesitating! So kudos to you mama for keeping your cool!

    Answer by ArmyWifeNewMom at 2:04 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Honestly! A total stranger took your baby's pacifier out of his mouth!?! That crosses a line and its completely unacceptable.
    As for spoiling, let me first say its not possible to spoil a child only 6 weeks of age, and nothing you are doing sounds like spoiling to me...just good parenting.
    Now onto the more philosophical answer...Why strangers care if you spoil your child?
    Because every child is a member of society and will one day have the power to influence said society. Do you really want the kid that never learned empathy taking care of you in the nursing home?

    Answer by FuzNet at 2:07 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Wow, that lady was asking for it!! She had some nerve. I tried to get my dd to take a pacifier, but she wouldn't. They're reported to help reduce the risk of SIDS. I think they should be broken of the habit once their teeth start to come in, but gosh a 6 week old baby!! You did better than me, because any woman coming that close to my brand new baby would have gotten a swift kick in the ass.

    Answer by AM78 at 2:26 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • SERIOUSLY. That's nuts! I would have lectured her on the dangers of germs, particularly in the winter, that's why you don't allow complete strangers to come near your child's mouth, especially without washing their hands first. People are CRAZY.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 3:31 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I hope you at least said something to her that is way over the line and gross too how do you know where her hands were last! I haven't had too much of a problem with people in a store but I have gotten some nasty comments from people when I have all 5 out together and for each one there was a comeback that put them in their place.


    Answer by babyfat5 at 6:15 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I would have told her that since she liked that particular pacifier so much that she had to take it physically from my kids mouth, then she could keep it and buy me a brand new one. Either that or speak to a police officer about assault charges. Yes, touching anyone without their permission is considered assault. And no, you cannot spoil a 6 week old child, it's just not possible...

    As for the other part of your question, for example if this were about teenagers having too much stuff or something. People have a right to care if you spoil your kids in that way (no I am not saying you are spoiling yours...) because parents raise their kids to be brats and wh*res and we have to deal with them. It's called spoiled for a reason.

    But, as for you, you didn't do anything wrong at all, except maybe be too nice to the woman who thought it was ok to take anything out of your kids mouth...

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 7:44 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • First of all letting your child have a pacifier is not going to spoil them, if someone ever did that with one of my kids I would have smacked them.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:20 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I am VERY mellow , and I have to say that if some stranger did that to me, I would lose it. Yikes, that lady must be lonely or insecure to do that do you! OP said it right though, Kuddos to you. I am not sure I wouldn't have not snapped back at her! Probably would have caused quite the scene so that she would think about what she does next time she see's a parent and a new baby!

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 10:56 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.