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Looking for advice on stepparenting, how to help me and my husband from having the same arguements of over kids?

I have 2 kids, and my husband has 2. His son who is 15 has a bad habit of lying, and my husband feels thats just who he is, and does not do anything about it. He feels its to much trouble to find out if he is lying or not. He recently lied about some school issues, I made my husband e-mail the teacher to find out if he was telling the truth, finds out he lied. He never second guesses any thing he says or does. Now with this in mind, my daughter who (that I know of has not lied up til now) has just got herself into big trouble due to a lye, has been punished, but my husband second guesses everything she says and does, he thinks she is lying about everything and is constantly making remarks to her and myself. It is a bad situation, but never the less, he does not make remarks about his son. We have rules, that my husband only seems to enforce when my kids are breaking them, so I in turn tend to be hard on his, to make up.

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Illinoisstepto2

Asked by Illinoisstepto2 at 11:50 AM on Jan. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • first of all weather there his kids or your kids all of the rules should be the same, he is just undermining you when he lets his son get a way with lying. if you don't agree on the same rules and punishments it will just get worse and may cause a divorce because you will be spending all of your time fighting about the kids.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 11:53 AM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Get some family counseling!

    And both parents needs to grow up.

    Rules need to be documented and clear.

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 12:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Go mrssundin.....so many weak moms on here say..oh let dad handle it..bla bla bla bla
    Same home, same rules apply for all..... One child should not be treated different from the other just because it is your stepchild..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:05 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • If you keep fighting it will lead to a divorce, it is not fair that he tries to be a dad for your kids and not his kid oh hell no he needs to be fair to all of you. If not get out. because this is the way it is going to be you have to reach an agreement. or else you will be bickering day and night what kind of life is that for the kids....arguing

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • This is never easy. Don't stoop to your DH's level and take it out on kids. I suggest family therapy and a book called Blended Families...it helped me.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:08 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I have seen this in 2 marriages (mine and my sis). My husband would yell at my kids, and his son for getting out of bed, then sit there and spoonfeed his daughter icecream as she was laying in her bed. Ugh.
    the only question I have for you is...do the kids live with you or do they come over on weekends? In my experience the fathers don't want to get after the "weekend" kids because he wants them to like coming over there. While the kids that live there full time get the raw end of the deal. They SEE the difference in treatment. Trust me. My kids asked me why "dad" likes them more. But he also would have his kids sit on his lap and read stories and draw and talk, but never did that with my kids (not even the one we had together). I put a stop to it.
    The only thing you can do is talk to him, set down the rules AND CONSEQUENCES, and demand that all follow them and get the same consequences. write them down, 1st 2nd 3rd offense
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • some kids lie in hopes of getting caught so they can get attention. Maybe they are not getting enough positive attention so they want the negative attention. IDK. I do think rules are rules but then again so many men have a double standard for boys and girls. In this male dominated society it still matters if you have that dangling appendage between your legs. Sad. If dad won't cooperate and support you saying the same rules apply to all the kids then eitehr accept and deal with it or make other arrangements. Sometimes ppl don't think about these things before they become stepparents but that's water under the bridge now.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Aside from counseling, which I suggest for the whole family and for the two of you separately, I think it would be best if for now you discipline your kids and he discipline his (though it sounds like he doesn't). Set clear boundaries that he is not to enforce rules with your kids and you won't enforce rules with his. For now, until you guys can get professional help. How often are his kids with you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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