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I need an opinion and advise on how to handle this situation.

My kids go to visit their bio dad 1 time a month + 2 wks in summer according to papers. On all previous visits (only 3 in past 12 months) they have slept in the living room on a hide-a-bed while he slept on the other couch. On the last visit I found out that they slept in bed all together (boy8, boy6, bio dad29, and his prego GF 19). I find this a little disturbing. Isn't it strange for them to sleep all together? I would like to add that he left when they were 2 & 4 years old and that he had NO contact for 4 years, then had a weekend visit in March 08, May 08, and 2 weeks in June o8, Then not again until Jan 09. So they don't know him very well. And he lives in his moms 4 bedroom house with his mom & stepdad, Sister & husband &their baby, Stepsisters 2 kids, and him and his girlfriend. Also their was another bed available in the room but they all slept on the one. Is this okay? Do you think it is bad? They barely know him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I don't blame you for not feeling comfortable with that....your kids probably don't either. It's bad enough to share a bed with someone, but to share one with 2 adults that you don't even know must be extremely awkward. If he's cooperative try talking to him and tell him they need a more suitable place to sleep while there. If he's a jerk about it you can get terms added to your custody saying this. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask at all.
    sbastille

    Answer by sbastille at 12:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • He is THEIR dad maybe they stayed up late hanging out and if the bed is big enough and comfy I don't see nothing wrong. Don't make this a big thing it will eat you up alive just take care of your own back yard. If the kids seem happy being there let it be. GL

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:26 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I would report it to my lawyer and ask. I don't think it's ok. Call CPS and ask them (anonymously) All heck would break loose if my x did that. I'd be putting a stop to that big time but that's just me. Until he can provide acceptable accommodations I wouldn't send them. I was thinking there was some sort of law that there were only supposed to be two ppl to a bedroom but that might be some rental law. Try talking the lawyers (free) online at www.avvo.com (that is 2 v's not a w)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:27 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I SENT CAMERAS OVER WITH THEM AND THEY TOOK PICS OF STUFF. THEY POINTED THE BED OUT IN ONE OF THE PICS WHEN THEY WERE TELLING ME ABOUT THIS (THEY BROUGHT IT UP) IT IS A FUTON THAT FOLD INTO A FULL BED, I USED TO HAVE THE SAME ONE AND IT SUCKED. THERE IS NO TV IN THE ROOM, SO NOT LIKE THEY FELL ASLEEP WATCHING MOVIES. THE ROOMS WAS TOTALLY TRASHED AND YOU COULDN'T SEE THE FLOOR. THEIR SUITCASE WAS SITTING ONTOP OF PILES OF CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR. aLSO THIS IS THE 2ND OR 3RD GF HE HAS INTRODUCED TO THEM. AND HE HAS ONLY SEEN THEM 4 TIMES NOW. I AM WORRIED WHAT THIS IS ALL TEACHING THEM RELATIONSHIP WISE. DONT GET ME WRONG I LIKE HER AND WE GET ALONG. PERSONALLY I FEEL FOR HER AND THINK HE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE 19 YR OLD GIRL, HE IS ALMOST 30. HE HAS ALREADY CHEATED ON HER AND KICKED HER OUT PREGNANT. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO APPROACH THEM ON THIS ISSUE. WITHOUT SEEMING TO BE NIT PICKING?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Tell him that your kids did not want to say anything to him, but brought it to your attention that they were all sleeping in the same bed and were not comfortable with it, and neither are you. Be very blunt with him. With his lack of involvement in their lives its not like you are doing anything wrong, you are looking out for their well being. Tell him that, if nothing else, the kids at least need to have their own sleeping space, without the adults in bed with them.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:16 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I would talk to him about it and tell him you are uncomfortable with it but I would do it nicely. But the way I think about it he is a guy and guys do not think stuff through all the time. He probably didn't see anything wrong with it, and if it is called to his attention hopefully he won't do it again. At least he is trying to be a dad to them, unlike a lot of fathers out there
    cherbear3317

    Answer by cherbear3317 at 8:24 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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