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How do I tell my daughter about her real dad?

My daughter dose not no her dad she thinks my husband is her father but now we seperated and hes in jail and she keeps askin about him i try to tell her thats not her real dad but she dont want to hear it . What should i do?

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Asked by Tabitha112 at 12:34 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (7)
  • Tell her at her level the truth..something that should have been told from the begining.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Regardless if you do tell her she will still look at him the same and miss him. He was a part of her life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I think she's still to young to fully understand it, I'd wait a couple of more years so I wouldn't have to start over again by re-explaining it to her.

    Answer by anestheticsex at 12:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Well one thing is it depends on her age, you don't want to confuse her. But please tell her the truth as simply as you can. All my life I never knew my Mom's ex-husband wasn't my bio Dad till she was dying and told me. It hurt so much that she hid the truth from me. She thought she was protecting me or that it wasnt necessary for me to know or she was ashamed of her past. But it came back to hurt me in the end. Please tell her the truth.

    Answer by chrisnjoesmom at 12:41 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • she is way too young to understand, if he has been there for her, that is all she knows, and she will still love him and miss him and yes ask about him because he was the one there.
    You said he was in jail, I dont know what all is going on but was he good to her, love her, then he can still be her dad even if he is NOT her BF. She will understand as she gets older but for now he is dad in her eyes. Just with a seperation, I would not talk bad about him to her... If she asks where is daddy...just say daddy will be gone for a long time, or daddy no longer lives with us. If he was good to her dont say things that will make her feel abandond by him, it could do more harm than good.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 12:45 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • IMO, there's a difference between a "father" and a "dad." Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. I understand where you are coming from though. I have two kids, with two different BF that aren't in either of their lives. My husband now is their Dad. He's been around since my 21 month old DD was 3 months old, so she sees him naturally as her dad. My 5 year old I'm sure understands a little about what's going on, but I haven't been really upfront to discuss it in details much with him. I have told him that he has another father that couldn't stay with us (not exact wording I'm sure, but something to that tune), and that Greg, my DH, is his daddy, and he's perfectly fie with that. He doesn't ask to see the other guy, doesn't care about other guys in the past that I mistakenly let him call Daddy (including my DD's BF).

    Answer by kicknscreamn222 at 6:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • IMO, would just say something like a PP said, tell her he's going to be away for a long time and she'll probably just go along with that. You could also tell her that things didn't work out between you two, and that he's moved away. She'll probably be sad about it, but it's better than telling her something bad about him and making her not trust anyone anymore.

    Answer by kicknscreamn222 at 6:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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