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What would you have done in this case?? :(

Ok, so my FIL has been in the hospital since March due to a aortic tear in the upper portion of his heart. Well I find out today he is dying, and the doctors give him maybe a week. His kidneys just don't want to work some of in part of his heavy drinking for the last 20 yrs or so. The doctors told him in order to continue with kidney dialysis, the will have to perform a rare type surgery to be able to fix up a port to where they can do the dialysis and it would be in his back. He said no way, he was done. So my dh calls me and says to bring of daughter up there so she can see him one last time. My FIL is still in ICU. Then my dh tells me when i get up there, his dad got an infection similar to MRSA, except worse, and no antibiotic is working. I was so fucking pissed when he told this and the thought he wanted to subject our 3 yr old to this just boggled my mind so much I was actually speechless. And let me tell you, thats as rare as experiencing a 50 degree day in Antarctica! But he said she would be in the yellow gown they handed out with the cute little hat, and the face mask. And it wasn't contagious unless she kissed him, or if she has any open sores, the nurse reassured me she wouldn't be in any danger of getting this "infection". So against my best judgement, I let her in, she sees all the stuff that was hooked up with her papa, and she really didn't want anything to do with him anyway.
But I am still very, VERY pissed off at my husband for what he did and putting me on the spot like that. Then he has the audacity to wonder why I was mad!!!!!! Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill or what?? I don't know what the infection was my FIL had, but I guess it is similar to MRSA. Just the thought of my daughter getting sick with something like this scares the shit out of me. Then compound it with the fact that antibiotics are useless in getting rid of whatever it is? I don't know the in and outs of medical stuff like that. Why when someone who is in ICU get sicker when its supposed to be a sterile and clean environment?? I don't get it.


Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 10:39 PM on Jun. 11, 2012 in Health

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You're thinking like a mother. If I were you I would probably worry about the same thing.
    All I am going to say is, give your DH a break. He's losing his dad. I know what's that like. He probably wasnt thinking straight. All he needs is your support right now. And I'm sure you're giving him that too.
    You both are right in your own way. You didn't want your DD (who is so little to begin with) catch something contagious. Any mother would be thinking like that. And your DH is just torn from losing his father (I don't know how close he is to his dad) and wanted him to see his granddaughter for the last time.
    So my advice is don't be hurt and scared for long either. You need to be strong for your husband. He made a mistake, he'll realize it later. Right now he's just going through alot

    Answer by cookie269 at 4:37 PM on Jun. 12, 2012

  • Hospitals are notorious places to contract infections like MRSA. It was originally something that was ONLY contracted in the operating room. If the nurses are telling you that as long as your DD doesn't have open sores, touches his wounds or kisses him that she will be fine, they are probably more informed than you are and she will be ok. Your DH was only thinking about what it must be like for papa to not be able to see is GDD one last time. He must feel like crap that his life will be over shortly and he just wanted to say goodbye. Your DD will probably not remember this when she is older. I think that you are making a little bit much of this. I understand that you want to protect your DD, but your FIL deserves to see her one last time. I hope that you can understand just a little where your DH was coming from.

    Answer by coala at 10:48 PM on Jun. 11, 2012

  • He probably didn't think it was a big deal because the nurses told him that it would be ok under the criteria that was laid out to you. But I under stand your hesitation as well. While it should have been a decision you made together, it really isn't worth not being supportive to your DH while his father is dying. Losing a parent is hard. Going through it with your spouse being pissed would be a bitch.

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:00 PM on Jun. 11, 2012

  • You Sara can fuck off. I wasn't being selfish, I was concerned on the fact that my dd maybe contract this infection and the possibility of her getting sick scared the hell out of me. Also, the fact my dh didn't tell me until I was there was also annoying. I still would have taken her up there just for the fact he is dying. But I would have been a little more prepared for whatever and not have been blindsided like I was.
    I still am being supportive for my husband, and being pissed off at him still doesn't change that fact. I also know what its like to lose a parent, I have lost both of mine. I had to go to FL 3 yrs ago when my mom died, and I went by myself with my dd. That was difficult especially given the fact what my sister was doing in that time to me. My FIL can't stand me, he as called me a slutty bitch behind my back, yet I am still there with my dh. My dh doesn't know about that, and he never will.

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 11:19 PM on Jun. 11, 2012

  • I wouldn't have taken her. Not because of the infection but because I wouldn't want that to be her last memory of her grandfather. I don't blame you for being mad that he didn't tell you ahead of time, but I would let it go.

    Answer by kmath at 11:22 PM on Jun. 11, 2012

  • Kmath, I already did. I don't mad long. Plus I wasn't as much pissed as I was hurt and scared.

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 11:24 PM on Jun. 11, 2012

  • Wow. How selfish can you be? This was about him seeing his granddaughter for the last time and you made it about something that was taken care of. Can you even imagine what he's going through right now? Seriously.

    Answer by SaraD1989 at 11:07 PM on Jun. 11, 2012