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To invite or not invite the MIL?

We are all set to have a rush garage sale tomorrow, because we had to pull a bunch of stuff out of storage at the last minute. Among the items we're parting with are many hand me downs from my MIL (yes, she gives me her used clothes) as well as a few other items she's passed on to us (she wont get rid of anything, so she LOVES to just pass it on). I asked my hubby to not inform MIL of the garage sale because I didn't want her showing up and being hurt when she sees these items. It is a last minute deal, and we could really use the extra cash. I jsut don't want to deal with her hurt feelings - my hubby says we should tell her what we're selling and that it's her deal if she wants to throw a pity party, but I'm not comfortable with this. What do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Why does she need to know that you are selling her hand me downs? This falls under insignificant. If it is really an issue for you hubby, have him call her and say that you are going to garage sale these items if she does not want them back. If she has first pick she can either come get them or you can sell them.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 5:01 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • You should definitely invite her. Tell her that you are selling some of the clothes and items that she gave you. Also suggest that she come early so that she can pick out anything that she has given you so that they won't be sold. I am thinking of things that mean a lot to her, mainly, such as something that belonged to her parents, or a present from her wedding. Things that she would feel badly to pass out of the family. Then she could decide whether to take them back or to let them go. I am thinking that if she doesn't have room and the choice is take them or let them go, that she'll let them go. This would be much better than hurting her feelings by her finding out about the sale some other time, and also hurting her feelings by getting rid of something that she cares about that she passed along to you. Good luck at your sale!

    Answer by Bmat at 5:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Even Ms.Manners states that once something is given to someone, it becomes thiers. So, since the MIL gave it to you, that makes the stuff yours to do with what you want. Since its yours, you don't need to tell her what you're doing with it. And if she happens by, don't make a big deal of it and if she sees something she wants back, just let her have it.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 5:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Id invite her and just say well these things dont fit and someone else might find use from them and hey Ill split the profit with you if you really want them back or whatever. She will say no of course not and get over it. Im a mil (basically dd is engaged has been for 2 yrs) and I give my future son in law stuff all the time. If they dont fit him or he doesnt want them he gives them away. She didnt want them so Im betting she wont be hurt if you get rid of them.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:04 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I Wouldn't Invite Her But If DH Is Insistent Have HIM Call Her And Let Her Know What You Are Doing.

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 5:14 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Sorry, I guess I should have specified that I am not (nor would I ever, I like to think myself a good DIL) sell any family heirlooms. I'm talking about MIL's used clothes and old holiday decorations, old houseware items that she has passed along. But she gives these used items as gifts (one of her quirks) and I fear that even though their used and sometimes junky, her feelings will be hurt that I didn't want to keep something she gave me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I think that she would understand. There is always a need for extra cash. Just tell her that the items of clothing no longer fit or that certain things are no longer to your taste or do not fit your home's decor. If you are a good DIL and, I am assuming that she is a good MIL b/c you care about her feelings, I am sure she will be okay with what you are doing.

    Answer by micrespo at 5:36 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • three things.. 1-tell her about it, and explain that the money is needed more than the materialistic things, 2-don't tell her and have her possibly get mad later, or 3- give the things she gave you to a friend that may be more in need, and when she ask, tell her a friend needed them more, she will understand.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 6:31 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Hmm i dont know what i would do, i honestly probaly wouldnt because i would be embarassed, i have been in a similar situation before...but then again as a poster said above, once someone gives you something its yours and you have every right to do whatever you want to do with it.

    If you want to tell her just say, im sorry we really need to sell this for this and this reason and she will just have to understand

    Answer by camtri3 at 7:23 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Me personally? I would tell her about it. Just not to want to keep secrets. It's her option to attend and if she so happens do attend and get upset then that will be on her. I'd totally ignore her for the rest of the time I had to be with her. Avoiding her and all. But again that is just ME.

    Answer by MrsGray30 at 7:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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