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Why knock a mother down?

I breastfeed, I do not produce enough milk from my post breast reduction breasts to only breastfeed. I have to supplement with formula to nourish my preemie daughter. I am doing what I can and yet I get knocked down on this site and in the stores when I purchase formula.

Why do people feel the need to pick on people without knowing the story? What is the point of it?

Answer Question

Asked by girlneffy at 5:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Because it makes them feel good to knock other people down when they are feeling down or just enjoy being rude. Don't worry about it. Small stuff, just let it roll off your back:)


    Answer by Christine0813 at 5:44 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Because all of the lactivists act like they are better than everyone else. Ignore them. You are doing what you have to do to care for your baby, it's no one's business what this care consists of!!!

    Answer by AM78 at 5:49 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • It is terrible that people would do that to you, especially in the store when buying formula to feed your baby. I am sure it is not an easy thing to ignore, but just know that you are doing what you need to do to take the best care of your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I think in a way - when someone is feeling attacked (in this case a formula feeding mother) - the feeling may be intensified by their own personal reasons (be it guil, disappointment, resentment).

    I have seen a lot of group posts where a breastfeeding mother offers advice to a woman who is failing at breastfeeding - saying how they can fix it, and how forumla is not as healthy as breast milk -- and then the formula feeding mother go's on to take this as a personal attack - and reads it as "You formula feed so you are a bad mother" rather than the advice that it was.

    As with ALL other decisions we make in our life, we must be happy with them to not feel knocked down when someone offers advice from the other side.
    In this case - if you are feeling like you have failed by giving your child formula, you may be pre-disposed to feeling like you are being attacked for it when in fact the person is trying to help.

    Answer by ladysavage at 5:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Don't worry about what other people say. As long as your baby is getting what she needs. I had a hard time keeping up with my daughter through growth spurts so we did formula then. As long as she was happy and got enough to eat I didn't care what anyone thought when I bought it or when people scoffed when I gave it to her. Just keep doing what your doing. :D

    Answer by MizAnn at 5:53 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Formula feeding moms are mad to feel like failures because of "lactivists"...those who insist that by feeding formula we don't WANT what is best for our babies. They turn a deaf ear when an explanation is offered as to why we formula feed. "You didn't try hard enough" "If you really loved your baby, you wouldn't feed them that CRAP" Those statement (or similar to those) are heard over and over and over and over and over. It's not that moms start to feel like failures as much as it is they get pissed because these women won't listen to anything...

    For those who try...great! For those who succeed...great! For those who go straight to formula..great! For those who supplement (or as one lactivist on here says "substitute")...great! You're all feeding your babies and loving them!! Awesome job!!

    For the record, I am one who found it impossible to breastfeed. And I don't feel like I missed anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Oops... "are made to feel..."

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Not everyone can succsesully breastfeed as long as you are feeding your baby who gives a shit how tell those women to shove it!!! I just had baby #4 and just now finally on this one have been able to breastfeed and not supplement!! Its not for everyone!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Most of the time ladysavage, this "advice" is offered when not asked for. Usually it will be a question about formula and some anon lactivist comes in and says "breastfeed." And that is their whole response . . . it's not friendly advice, especially when no one was asking for it.

    Answer by AM78 at 6:14 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Ah yes - AM78, I do get what you mean, some people just say things without giving real advice but like I said - if you're happy with your decision then it should simply be like water off a ducks back.

    For example - if I were to ask a question re: "my toddler hits people, what should I do?"
    And some low-life were to answer simply "Hit him back, he needs a smack every now and then to keep him in line" -- I would not then get upset and feel attacked by this person for their different views than mine - I am happy with my decision to NEVER hurt my child, so if anyone gives me advice otherwise - I can simply disregard it and not feel hurt.

    The same should apply to this situation.

    Answer by ladysavage at 6:21 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

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