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4 Bumps

Am I being selfish and unreasonable ??

I have 3 children - a 16 year old daughter and 13 year old son from my first marriage ( my husband past away when my son was 3) ...

I am now married again ( for 7 years next month ) and have a 1 year old son ...

I work 2 days a week as a nurse ( 12 hours) , and until a couple of weeks ago, everything was fine because I had a wonderful babysitter for my baby .... but her and her family just moved away ...

Now, is it selfish and unreasonable to expect my 16 ( almost 17) year old daughter to watch my youngest son 2 days a week from 8am - 3:30pm ( when husband gets home) ... not including he takes 2 long naps during the day ....

Now she says she wants paid for watching him... BUT I feel like I shouldnt have to pay her extra - she and my older son both get several hundred dollars EACH a month from their fathers death ... whne they were younger I always saved that money up for them ( and they both continue to save a large portion of it) .... But I just feel that if she is already getting that much money, not to mention I do ALL of the cleaning and cooking and driving her places, plus 90% of the time I end up buying her things instead of her using her own money ....

I mean I plan on having a long talk with her about it, because I dont think it is that out of the question, do you?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Jun. 16, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Answers (38)
  • Honestly, a little. Only because it's summer & she wants her freedom. Not too mention, I'm sure she's not thrilled about having to get up early. So, she needs some kind of compensation, not necessarily money but, something.

    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 1:55 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • Welll.... my first thought is "it depends on what else she might be doing with that time." Was she looking for a summer job? If so, payment isn't an unreasonable request on her part; the babysitting might cut into her job prospects.

    My second thought is that you need to start looking for an alternative anyway because school will come around again soon enough and you don't want to be scrambling come August/September. Now is a good time to "audition" prospects, with your older kids about to see what's going on and let you know if things are working the way they should.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:56 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • I do not believe that you should expect your daughter to give up her time without some sort of compensation to watch the baby.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:06 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • Well being I'm the oldest girl, I was my mothers babysitter (for free). I feel it's 2 days a week, that's nothing. I sat 5 days a week 10 hours a day and it taught me an enormous amount of responsibility.  My mom left a list of chores we all had to do and she also left money for us to go to the pool twice a week.  If we didn't do our chores we didn't get pool time.  My mom was a single mom so I had to step up.  I feel your daughter should start contributing, a family is a team and it will teach her some life lessons. 

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:14 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • it isn't really her own money, is it. it's money she would have had if dad hadn't passed. meant for bills (like child support). it isn't her "income".

    you would pay a sitter, why not pay her to sit?

    not her kid, yours, would you watch anyone's kid for free, even if it was for a couple of days,KWIM?

    it isn't unreasonable to expect her to pitch in around the house with chores and share in cooking- it prepares her for life out of the home. and buying her things is kind of your job as her mom...

    i wouldn't say selfish- just that the whole system needs to be reworked

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 2:15 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • Well my thing is - she doesnt do ANYTHING during the day .... she sits and watches tv until 5 or 6 pm and then goes out with her friends -- she was not planning on any job.... and my son actually doesnt get up until almost 10am, but it is just the case she would have to get up if he did happen to wake up ...

    I think I feel so strongly about it is because not only does she have all the "extra" money, but she really doesnt spend it, because I buy her pretty much everything........ so when we talk I am just going to tell her I am not going to be buying all of the extras anymore, and that if she cant help me out her then she needs to start taking more responsiblity and picking up after herself , maybe even doing her own laundry and certain days to clean the bathroom --- maybe that will help her see my side better.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • Also, if something came up and on a day she is suppose to watch him she could call my mom - I just didnt want my mom to have to watch him both days because she likes to do stuff during the day ...... also I do have another sitter lined up but she cannot start until the beginning of August.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • I agree with luv, she is 16, its time for to wake up, and realize she will have to start earning the things she want. Tell her ok, you can pay her, but then she will be responsible for buying her clothes and whatever else she wants/needs. If she cleans up house and things like that, you can throw some extra cash.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:07 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • Did you pay the other babysitter?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:30 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

  • I think you're on your way to getting it worked out already. They are both way overdue in having regular chores assigned to them. As to the babysitting, it's only 2 days a week & it would help the family as a whole to save some $ before having to pay a sitter in a couple of months. If she has no intention of looking for summer work, I think a small allowance based on chores & babysitting is reasonable, but no more handouts. It will teach her to budget her $. And even if she wanted summer work, it'd be very difficult to find. Due to our lovely economy, only 1/3 of teens are able to get jobs right now, due to the competition from college students & others out of work, willing to take entry level jobs. I think you are being fair & they should be thankful they haven't had regular chores up til now! GL :)

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:39 AM on Jun. 16, 2012

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