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Would you marry someone who you do not find sexy? What should I do?

I find my husband very sexy! But the feeling is not mutual. My husband and I have been married for less than a year, but have been together for almost 5 years. I was skinny but quit smoking and gained weight. He now does not find me sexy. We have not had sex in over a month. I am trying to lose the weight but it went on easier than it is going off. He gets angry ever time I bring it up. I just want him to find me sexy again. any suggestions? I need all the help I can get. I can not stop thinking about it! Please any advise will help. Thank you

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • hon i gave up smoking a yr ago ive gain weight i havent had sex with my husband in 5 months if he doesnt love you for you and what you did giving up smoking then he is the one with the problem not you the reason i dont have sex my husband isnt fixed and intill he does no sex

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Well, its really not going to help your marriage if you keep bringing up your insecurities and worries to him (guys loathe that stuff) Just keep working on your weight loss don't worry about it, cause if you haven't already noticed stressing about it doesn't do could be maybe you two need to spice things up in the bedroom or go on a romantic weekend together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • I understand what you mean I gained 17 lbs in the last year and I feel ugly. I have tried to loss it but really dont have the drive to. My husband told me when we got together if i got fat he would leave me. I also have stretch marks on my belly. They only thing I can tell you is to sit down with him and ask him to understand how you feel. If he blows you off. Send the kids to the babysitters and do something really cheezy and romantic for him. Make a romantic dinner, take a shower or bath together, sit in the dark(hiding your body if you feel that bad about it) and "mommy and daddy talk" Be very loving and caring with him. Give him a reason to make you feel sexy. If he don't give in. He is missing out on a night to remember.

    Answer by 1ontheway at 8:53 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • an attractive spouse is very important to most men. he's normal. he didn't sign up for the heavier you. it hurts though. shouldn't he love you no matter what? yea, he should. instead of making yourself crazy consider it an incentive to get back to where you need to be. it's a bummer though. what if you can't lose it? hope you won't need to find out. some men are like that. i think they can't help it because their brains are washed in testosterone. i compare it to a husband who loses his job and then doesn't get another one, just keeps collecting unemployment, expecting the wife to make due. what's important to women is different but you get the drift.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 9:01 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • i gained a lot of weight after my son which i still havent lost (i was 186 when i got pregnant then i got to about 245 and now im at 218. my husband still thinks im sexy (or at least has the decency to lie :p). i think your husband is a jerk and he should love you no matter what.and congrats on quitting!!!

    Answer by aliciatron at 9:12 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Well he sounds like a big asshole!!! sorry.....................He could decently say yes im dissapointed in your weight gain and I would really like you to loose weight I totally belive in honasty about that issue but their is a way it needs done i think!! Just keep working on it and stop talking to him about it!! And if he says something then tell him to kiss your a$$!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 9:27 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Yeah, He's a Jerk. A marriage is so much more than looks!
    But looks are slightly important. I mean, It's important not to let yourself go. Maintain your clothes, hair, style..make-up if you wear it etc.

    The only thing I'd suggest is make a lifestyle change and exercise atleast 3 times a week and eat up on the veggies and fruits. It will make a big difference if you STICK WITH it.
    Also, Quit chasing him..Some men HATE to be chased. My DH does. When I chased him he wouldn't want it but when I let him see that I was not interested he wanted it! Men are strange...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Men are not built like we are. My s/o is 5'11 and 220 lbs...not skinny...and i was in perfect shape b4 I had out i am 5'7 and stretch marks nothing and its not the same...We use to go out all the time go away together, etc....and now i feel like he isnt interested since i had our daughter..Sometimes being a mother is enuf for a man to get turned off... To some men they find being a mother sexy, and some men are repulsed by it. Such strange creatures...Talk to him, find out what is on his mind, but inevitibly if they are making excuses then they may be making excuses for what they are doing wrong behind your back. Some women will sugar coat it but it is what it is....Men arent what they use to be...Honorable isnt a quality they have anymore and it sucks.....

    Answer by Alexmygirl at 11:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Women need to realize that love and sexual attraction are to completely different things. One has nothing to do with the other.

    My best advise to you would be to join a gym, get a trainer and nutritionist and get your body back.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

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