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i would like to know what i can do to help my child controll her temper.

my child has had a really hard time with her temper since the moment she was born. i understand that temper is inherited but my child sometimes goes overboard. she will throw really bad temper tantrums. she will fall on the floor, kick, scream, and basicllly do anything to get what she wants. and for me not to get embarressed i give her what she wants and i know that its wrong but i cant help it. can you please help me and give me some pointers i beg of you. i love my child but sometimes i dont know what to do with it. i mean i know i have a really bad temper and so does her dad but i just dont know what to do.
please help me
sincerlly desperate mom

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Asked by NicholesMom2006 at 11:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (6)
  • Quit worrying about getting embarrassed. Trust me, there will be plenty of time when she is older that you can repay her for that. Do NOT give in to her tantrums. I know. It's so hard to just let her continue to sob and cry like a spoiled brat but if you don't break her of it now, she is going to be a holy terror when she is older.

    Remove her from the environment and then go back to what you are doing. If you are in a store, grab your purse, her hand and walk away from your buggy. Get in the car and go home.

    A mom in my stepparenting group posted a great list a few weeks ago. It was a Child's Bill of Rights. A few of the good ones? Every child has the RIGHT to be told NO. Every child has the RIGHT to hear their parent say "Because I said so!". These have stuck in my head.

    Also, remember you are not here to be your child's friend. You are the parent and charged with raising a respectful individual. Good luck.

    Answer by Gypsy98 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Oh, another thing. Before I had kids, and I would be out at the store and here a child sobbing and crying like their heart was broken, I would think "Oh, that poor child."

    Now that I have been married for almost 11 years, been a custodial stepmom to two bonus sons (now almost 18 and just turned 20), and have two younger sons (10 and 7), when I go to the store and hear a child sobbing and crying in such a fashion, I think "Oh that poor parent! Does anyone have an extra valium?"

    You'll be fine.


    Answer by Gypsy98 at 11:17 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • my 2 y/o started the tantrums REALLY BAD ones this week. We went to the store today and she threw a fit b/c I didn't use the cart she wanted (b/c the straps were broke and I have another baby) so I told her that was inappropriate loud enough for others to know I had it under control not just a push over mom. Then I put her in the cart buckled her sister in and then she threw a fit b/c I didn't put her in the seat I put her in the bucket part. We are talking full fledge she was dying screaming cry. I told her again that was wrong and went on my way. Sorry for saying this but, my daughter does not chose when and were we do things. We just let her have her fit and gets punished when we get home and she sure as heck knows it too. She just didn't get snacks or a toy like her sister did that behaved and I explained that to her. After that she was pretty much fine. I reward good behavior with cheap little things (cont.)

    Answer by watersgirls at 11:20 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • like a toy on the $1 shelf or a fruit snack or even play time at McD's play yard (we have no indoor play areas so it's a treat for them) Something that won't break the bank and is usually fun for all, me included. hehee

    Answer by watersgirls at 11:21 PM on Jan. 30, 2009

  • Best thing I learned: the three NO rule. You may ask me three times and each time the answer will be NO. After the third time, IGNORE them. Believe me: it works. Kids want and need structure, boundaries and leadership (YOU). They will constantly test to see if you really are in control -- because they are not.
    You mention that you and dad have a bad temper, too. Children are like sponges AND they want to be like you. Try modifying your "temper". Model "time-outs" for calming down and practice keeping your voice neutral and less emotional. Teach her that acting out and raging DO NOT get positive results. Ask her (and practice yourself) to take a break -- in her room or the yard or someplace safe -- and then try asking again when she is calmer.

    Answer by WD40 at 12:06 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • From day one we have let our daughter know that is ok to be mad, sad, frustaed...etc. (emotions) What is NOT ok is how you (she) ACTS with those emotions. Let her know this, it might help. Kids frustartions can also be from... being frustrated. And lead by example, but let her "help" you with your own senerios. When you get sad, mad, frustrated... ask her to help you figure out a way to "fix it". This will help, but the word "help" is sometimes only a realative term.

    Emotions are a glorious thing!


    Answer by sahmmom at 1:09 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

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