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I know I will hear it all for this but I must ask...

I am a mother of 2 and both my husband and I work and we barely make it. But I see parents who need help or they want help but yet only one parent is working. Why dont both parents go out and find a job? I am sorry for asking but I need to. I see all these post where families are getting aid or help from family members when both parents should be out providing for the family. If you are out there trying your hardest and it still isnt panning out then that is one thing. But for a mother mostly to be able to stay home and ask for help but yet not doing anything then I believe it is wrong to adegree. I stayed home with our oldest almost the first year of life not because I wanted to but for her health issues. No one helped us out we had to get loans out to help our selves. On tope of the medical cost. I am not trying to sound mean or bashing but I am just wondering why if you need the money or help why not go get a job?

Answer Question

Asked by moma22angels at 3:01 AM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Money & Work

Level 9 (342 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • It is true that sometimes, due to a lack of education, the benefit of the partner's possible income is completely negated by the additional costs - more gas, second car, day care....

    To me, it's black and white - you run the numbers, you make the choices.

    I find it hard to believe that ANY woman would refuse to contribute monetarily to her family.


    Answer by Wimsey at 3:08 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Well you know it's not that easy.... daycare isnt cheap.... we just moved from MD to GA... my hubby is in the military and even tho daycare is based on his rank its still expensive...and he is training for ranger school so sometimes he is gone over night or for days...

    not everyone story is like mine, but thats why i cant get a job.....BELIEVE ME, I WANT ONE!! Money is tight right now.... but what are we to do?

    sometimes there are circumstances n an individuals life that prevents them.... my hubs takes the car.... how am i spoused to get to and from a job if he is gone? who would watch the baby if we both are gone??

    OP i know u said you are not trying to bash but to me it seems like your saying "well i am doing it so why can't you"...

    i am starting back up school (online) so once i graduate with my degree this wont be an issue, but personally for me this is why i dont have a job...

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 3:43 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • yeah for me I stay home because the little I made with my not having a degree or skills was equal to what I would pay for an extra car/gas and especially daycare. But I haven't asked for help from anyone. I was making less than $8.00 an hour.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I should add that i'm looking for inexpensive online degree I can do while i'm home. Even then that would depend on if we can even get a loan for school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I stay home with three kids, and I (fortunately!) don't need any financial help to do it beyond my husbands income. But I am considering your question and this is what I have come up with... perhaps they are people with several younger kids -- and the recent crunch of increased groceries, plus companies cutting back hours has hit them hard -- having multiple children in some areas makes daycare astronomical. And, I don't know about you, but daycare is one place I wouldn't want to "cut corners" -- I don't want to be the parent on the news crying because the daycare locked my kid inside and left, or forgot my kid in a van... :( Just speculating. Until you know what someone else's situation is - its probably better to not assume the worst. :)

    Answer by Serafyna at 4:09 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • My dh and I do not get government assistance, nor have we ever gotten it. There have been times money has been tight, and we're still not rich.

    I chose to give up my career and be a SAHM. Even though my kids are teens, we still choose for me to stay home. The reason is my dh is in the military and for the first half of his career, our children were small, and for the second half he's been deployed - a LOT. By me staying home, there is always someone there for field trips, to help with homework, to be with them when they're sick, to take them to all their activities (and be able to have the housework, etc, done, so that I'm not having to try to do that while doing the rest in the evening after work.)

    Also, by staying home, when he is home, or on leave, we don't have to worry that I can't get the time off work to be together.

    This has been our choice - it's not for everyone, but sometimes there's more to life than $.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:10 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • cont

    But, like I said, we've never asked for or gotten any help to support this lifestyle choice.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:11 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I do know people though who stay home because it would actually end up costing them more money to work than they would make, once they paid for child care. I also know people where one of them has lost their job, so they're now a stay at home parent (not all of them are mom's, there are some stay at home dads I know, too).

    Plus, statistics have shown that often military spouses have a harder time getting jobs, because they move so much, or because of their spouse's deployment schedule. (Yes, I know there are many single parents who do it,and my hat is off to them, but often single parents live near family / friends that can provide at least emotional support if not practical help, where many times we don't have that option), so whether they work or stay home for them isn't always a choice.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:16 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I'm a proud stay at home mom/in home provider

    But I must say Id work in a heart beat and I have rather than for my family to sacrafice ANYTHING.I worked while preg Christmas 07 because I lost my only FT kid w/o notice and I as worried my son wouldnt have enough for christmas.

    I agree if you have to apply for state assistance its time to step up to the plate.

    With that in mind though remeber child care is picey and if you already have say 4 kids,sometimes its not worth it!

    Answer by Chrystal_A at 9:38 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Because of where we live, it would cost more than I would make to pay a sitter to watch the kids both before and after school (we live a 20-35 minute drive from any town, depending on traffic), and the gas to get back and forth. We looked at the budget once, and we actually save money with me not working.

    Answer by debra_benge at 10:18 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

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