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Need help deciding on the right care giver for my future adopted baby.

I am a single mom-to-be through adoption. I'm struggling to figure out whether to get a live out nanny, live in nanny or to go to daycare. I don't know where to begin in making this decision. I have to travel overnight every other week for my job and I would be gone from 7 in the morning to 6 at night. I don't konw what to expect to have to pay and what to look for in a caregiver. Any advice gladly welcomed. Thanks in advance.

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Asked by Kismet8568 at 11:12 AM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (22)
  • Sure, I would have to ask why you didnt' think about this before you decided to adopt. It does not seem like you will have the necessities it takes to raise a baby. You can't expect a baby to bond with you if you are never there. Sorry to say.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I am puzzled as to how Frogdawg can know for certain that this situation will work out well for you and the child you adopt. Actually, I think it is a disservice to you and the child that you plan to adopt to play down the possible affects that your being gone so much might have on the child. Being a working mom is one thing, but being away from your child every other week for a night or so is a different story, especially in the beginning with a child that has already suffered the loss of one mother. If you haven't already discussed your idea to adopt with someone with expertise in adoption, I suggest that you consider it. Check out Nancy Verrier's website.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:10 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I would recommend trying to find a live-in nanny so that it's not such a hard adjustment during the weeks you are gone. If the nanny is there all the time then your baby will already be used to her; or try to work out a schedule so that when you are home she has more time off. Good luck.

    Answer by oahoah at 2:10 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Are you sure you're ready for this commitment? I don't question your desire for a child - it's just that if you're that busy with your career, perhaps now isn't the time to adopt. Being a parent is a full time job and it sounds like you'll be away often. If you're planning to pursue the adoption, I'd suggest finding a live-in nanny so there will be consistency in the child's home life. Best of luck.

    Answer by karin0622 at 4:47 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Do you know anything about seperation anxiety? Your soon to be child will be suffering from the the day he/she is seperated from his/her mother. I suggest you take time off to bond with your baby before you even think about going back to work.

    Answer by rainfalls at 9:05 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • There is a difference between choosing to parent by yourself and being in a position that it becomes necessary. However, the fact that this women intends to become a single parent is not an issue for me. It is the fact that she has a demanding career that will not allow for much time with her child and is choosing to parent that I question.I raised one of my sons as a single mom and am the last person to discriminate against single moms. I did, however, by choice, have a 9-5 job with no overtime or travel.

    I wondered too if this mom plans to take time off for the first few months or so. Somehow from the description of her career, I wonder if that is possible. If she does go forward with an adoption, a live-in nanny might be the best option, however, the child might be far more bonded to the nanny than her.

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:13 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • frogdawg, I always enjoy your answers, and respect you opiniopns...however, southernroots is correct. When you say you are assuming the OP is not a lunatic, and a single mother wanting to keep her child would not be judged the same, and would indeed be incouraged to are in the wrong....I am/was in the same shoes, and was incouraged quite the opposita. We are told the child deserves better..a 2 parent family, a Mom who can and will be there, a nice home, college..etc, etc. By the way..."what does a crazed child porno addict, and an axe murderer look like???? Maybe your neighbor? I don't know, but have always been taught, they l;ook like your neighbor! No disrespect, just does not hold merrit, if you can adopt my child and give my child a "better life" don't do so by leaving town and trying to figure out who should what my child...before "my child" becomes least tell me before I relinquish.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:45 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I do agree, that a single person..white, black, asian, green, purple hair..WHATEVER, can absolutely be a great parent...just do not approach an emom, with the idea of..."well should I get a live-in nanny..a baby sitter...what should I do"?...and expect great responses from Firstmoms..whom in reality, would love nothing more than to keep their baby! Sorry, this is not what we hope for, when we have NO options! So, to the OP, be very honest and upfront with the e-mom...she at the very least deserves to be asked YOUR DIRE QUESTION..just simply say, "I know, for whatever the reason, you are giving your baby away..I would like the responsability to parent your the way should I hire a live-in nanny or a sitter, for my job requires me to be away often....any thoughts?" See how well this goes over! Blessings..C.J., JMHO!

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:57 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I'm with frogdawg on this issue. I will admit, my first thought was "why are you adopting if you will be gone so much?", but then I re-read the question and realized it was only one night every OTHER week. I don't think that is a big concern, personally. When I think of all the kids in foster care whos parents couldn't even take care of them, the OP being gone one night every other week is not a big deal. When we adopted, I worked FT and so did my husband. I did quit my job before my FMLA was up, and now stay home, but that was MY choice. There are plenty of single working moms in the world, what does her adopting have to do with anything? If she gave birth, no one would make a fuss about it. My vote is for live-out nanny, but she stays all night that one night every other week. But I don't like people in my house all the time, so live in wouldn't be for me lol!

    Answer by LizClara at 4:41 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • Maybe the OP would like to clarify whether SHE believes that she has a demanding job or not. It is reasonable to assume from what she said that her career does not allow much time for her to parent, but, none of us really know that for certain. We don't know if there is any flexibility in her job, whether she plans to take some initial time off or many factors that would affect this situation.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:41 PM on Feb. 1, 2009

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