Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

REPOST Analyze this... I keep dreaming about my ex husband???? I asked this last night and the post got totally hijacked, except for a couple of ladies.... but still no one answered the question.

These are not sexual dreams or even pleasant dreams and they're not always or even most of the time about him, per se; BUT every time I have any kind of disturbing dream he is always present somewhere in the dream. It's true I can't stand the man, hate his freaking guts, but it is possible that I really, really HATE him that much that he's become the epitome of night-frights for me?? Like, I dreamt of driving a car, everything's normal, then I see him standing by the side of a bridge talking to someone (unimportant), then suddenly the car is flipping end over end. Another time, I'm standing at a window, he drives by and waves at me, the next thing I know is there are fires and storms and I'm scared as hell. I mean a dream can seem normal, then suddenly he shows up and it becomes a nightmare. I always wake up either thrashing about or crying.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Dreams are personal to the person and deep down we usually know what they mean but these seem pretty straight forward. You hate him. You think hes evil. You think hes terrible. He represents everything awefu, terrifying, evil etc in your mind. Therefore in your dreams when you see him someone bad happens because you view him as a terrible person (so terrible things happen) when you see him. Make sense? Actually its a little comical if you think of it in that way. You really hate the guy.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:36 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Hmm, my best guess is that you're LETTING him take control of your life. Maybe not consciously but it seems that is what is happening. Maybe you should work on NOT hating him. I know it's going to be hard. (I'm still working on forgiving my father.) He may not deserve your forgiveness, but YOU deserve to forgive him. I think your hatred for him is overtaking your life. Now, I'm not a dream interpreter so I could be way off target here, but that's just my opinion. Good luck!!!


    Answer by renea20 at 12:35 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Post stress anxiety. I had that when I had idenity theft.They found out it was a young girk and described her race . So I would get nightmares of her like that too. I honestly think you should get hypnosis or some kind of help to find out why he hurt you so much. I wish I could help, but you're on anon and so I have to be too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • What an awful thing to have to experience. And yes i think it is completly possible for the things we are afraid of or enraged by to infiltrate our dreams. I do not know why at this time you suddenly begin dreaming about him but have you thought baout perhaps talking to a counselour about it? It is very hard to deal with feelings after a divorce and often our emotions get neglected in the haste to "take care of everything". You're going through a grieving process still and our subconscious thoughts like to take over when we're alseep, discovering the root of teh problem or the unacknowledged feelings may help to rid some of those night terrors..

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • It means that you are still suffering from your feelings towards him. As the feelings slow down and go away, the dreams will, too. It means that you associate bad times with him. It seems, and I could be wrong, that you were neutral in your feelings and kept getting hurt by him. Talking about each dream as it happens to a friend my help wash each dream away. Meanwhile you can guide your dreams. Before you go to sleep, tell yourself that if the bad dreams start again that you are in charge. If you see him near a bridge then you let yourself drive over the bridge unharmed, you can look back and see fireworks over the bridge- something not scary. Think of the other dreams that you've had and think of how to change them so that they aren't scary.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:38 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • OP here. It's true, he enrages me. We were married 19 years, together 22. I found out in the end that he had never been faithful , that other people could see everything, including his disrespect and meanness towards me, and the worst was an email I found that he'd sent to his latest conquest claiming that he had never felt any bond with our children....his sons, who were 14 & 16, but that he desperately wanted to be a Parent to her little boy and he wanted to BE THERE for her kid.... Our divorce was long (it took two years to get him to sign the damn papers), then two years later, he hurt our oldest son so badly that the boy cried (19 year old boy), cried for two days. And to top it off... he has not even so much as spoken to our youngest in almost 5 years now.... no reason, we live in the same town... he just has never even contacted him at all. Yeah, I hate him. But I really really really need to find a way to deal

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • ohhh sweetie, there is a very fine line between love & hate! you may hate him in your conscience mind but i dont think your sub-conscience has the same feelings. there is something that you havent came to terms with & its surfacing in your just maybe your true feelings towards him. you dont have to admit them to anyone but yourself, but as soon as you do (to yourself) your dreams will take a different turn & probally settle down. i love my kids father, i always will, but i cant live with him. hes self distructive & that effects me & my children, therefore i have moved on. in my heart there will always be a warm spot for him, even though id love to hate him. which i do! crazy..yes! fine line - yes indeed! id love to hate him & hate to love i do both!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • OP here. Anon 12:13, You think I love him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • he was a big part of your life for however short or long a period of time. I've dreamt about a middle school boyfriend several times. was there a hard breakup? did he ruin your life somehow like with money or cheating and made you feel your life was upside down? ( just like the car). maybe talking about it would help. i'm sure you're current SO would understand, esp since its not sexual at all. talking might bring it to the light and you can explain how it makes you feel and possibly end the dreams. maybe thinking to yourself before bed: he wont run my life, he wont run my dreams, he wont run me!

    Answer by m4m4 at 2:37 PM on Jan. 31, 2009