Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What should I do about my husbands drinking problem? He is on meds for this and going to doctors for this problem .But he still is drinking and now im just mad at him and dont no what to do . I very unhappy and im depressed now.

He has been drinking for over 20yrs. we have only been married 5yrs and I found out over a year ago.He promised he would stop I think hes trying but not hard enough.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I will be honest here. If he hasn't quit yet, he isn't going to. I was involved in a similar situation and after sixteen years, I finally got out. I refuse to look back now. It's my life, I deserve happiness and I am free from the problems alcohol brings into a home. If I were you, I'd move on. Thats just me, I don't put up with crap in my life. I'm not on this planet for that long. I want a good life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • He has to choose when he quits. My husband is an alcoholic and he just decided it was time he quit. That was last march. He did have one 'relapse' last year but that's pretty good in my book. We have never been happier. My advice is just keep telling him how you feel and how alcohol is ruining everything and hope he decides to quit. There mite come a time when you will give up and move on. Good luck

    Answer by aeemom at 1:03 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • i agree with Annon 12:40. i was married to the kids dad 22 years. he drank in high school & never stopped...i too put up with everything under the sun...geez the story is a scary one, now that i look back & i appoligize to my children everyday. they didnt have the awareness like they do today, no support groups, no nothing! i was in it by myself. i even trun to the church, they said i needed to be more submissive! YEP! i was MY fault! can you beleive that! go to Alanon, find a good support group, then start considering a change in your marital status. you cant cure him. If i could have cured mine...i would have. I loved him more than my own life. but i had to walk away anyway. it took everything i had...but me & the kids are so much better now! i just wish i had left earlier...say like never married him! LOL...but then i would not have these beautiful children. he did do that right! i thank him ONLY for that. good luck sweeti

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • How is it that you have been married to him for 5 years but only found out a year ago about his drinking?

    Answer by Kat122 at 1:54 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • You should try to find a support group that is for families/friends of alcoholics. I cannot remember the name but it may help you decide after speaking with others in a similar situation. It is unlikely he will stop but you may also try to get him to attend some kind of classes & be honest, tell him you cannot live with an alcoholic for a husband. Good luck.

    Answer by oahoah at 2:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I used to work in an alcohol treatment center, and I have relatives who are alcoholics. In my experience the alcoholic has to want to quit and make the effort to live a sober life. You cannot make them do it. One thing you can do for you is look for a support group - like Al-Anon for family members of alcoholics. As for your husband - does his doctor know he is an alcoholic? Maybe they can refer him to a treatment program-- either an inpatient detox, or an outpatient group therapy. I wish you and your husband good luck.

    Answer by MizLee at 4:09 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Are you married to my ex?? Actually, nevermind, my ex would never take meds for it, or even *pretend* he was trying to quit. The mere insinuation that he needed to quit would send him into a fit of rage.

    The answer is not an easy one. He must WANT to quit for himself before anything good will happen. You cannot FIX his problem by "loving him". You cannot save him from himself. If he's not willing to make the effort for himself, there's absolutely NO WAY you are going to convince him to do it for you or for your family or for any other reason. He will LIE, COVER UP, and find all sorts of ways to drink when you don't know it. But of course, we always know it, don't we? My ex used to go out for a haircut and come back 5 hours later drunk. And then he'd try to say he wasn't in the bar across the street from the barber shop. Whatever. Do I look stupid? He has to want to quit for HIMSELF. I wish you good luck.

    Answer by KayLeyWade at 4:42 PM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • Al-Anon. It's for loved ones of alcoholics. You can't change him, but you can change YOU. They really helped me through a previous relationship.

    Answer by TeeJai at 12:26 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • If you no anyone who drinks then you no they find any excuse to hide it . I probably always new but wouldnt admit it to myself,But when i found out for sure all the bells started ringing. His doctors no his problem he goes for treatment every other week and is on 3 types of meds. but your right he has to be the one to make the decision he is going to stop drinking i just hope its soon.

    Answer by bonjovi1218 at 1:11 PM on Feb. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.