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9 Bumps

Should I tell my daughter her boyfriend is cheating on her?

After several red flags the last couple of months I decided to look through my daughters boyfriends text messages since he left his phone at my house. In his messages were obvious flirting and hints that he has slept with 2 out of the 3 woman that he was writing to. Do I tell her I snoped through his phone? He is one of those men who seem to get away with everything by charming their way out with words and affections. I am so pissed I can hardly look at him anymore. Problem is the way I found out. I know my daugher will be mad at me for snoping and I'm afraid he has erased the messages by now and will once again get away with it. My biggest concern is they have talked about moving in together. I don't know what to do.

Answer Question
 
anotherparent

Asked by anotherparent at 8:32 PM on Jun. 23, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Stay out of it, this is something she has to learn on her own. It'll backfire in your face if you do. I know it sucks.
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 8:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • I decided to look through my daughters boyfriends text messages

    And stop going through other peoples stuff

    What if he hacked you computer?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 8:38 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • I agree with Mrs_Harsh Stay out of it. She is an adult. let her kearn from her own experiance. after she breaks up with him. Then tell her what you know.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • hes a grown man and evidentally she is a woman, WTF is your problem??? Stay out of peoples SHIT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • I would try to warn her about him, but I wouldn't tell her how you came to suspect him. I once played detective and helped my son catch a girlfriend redhanded. She was lying to him, and I knew it, so I found out where she was going to be at a specific time and asked him to go for a ride with me. He saw for himself what she was up to, and I never had to accuse her of anything. How you came to know what you know doesn't have to be shared with anyone, but you can find out what you need to know and go from there. Be cool and be smart. I think we moms owe it to our children to keep them from major screw-ups if we can!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:44 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • You found out in the WRONG way!!! So because of the way you found out, you can't tell her. It was very childish of you to look through his phone. AND truly, you don't know anything for sure. You just saw text messages. If he is a charmer, he will totally turn it around and you will be the bad guy.
    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 8:46 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • TELL HER

    ask yourself this... if you were her, would you want to know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • Depends. I would tell my daughter.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 9:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2012

  • Do NOT tell her what you did! She'll never trust you again!
    Talk to her about your concerns but don't ruin your relationship with your daughter!
    Be there for her when and if they should break up, let her learn on her own, I know it's hard but you have to let her grow up!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:24 AM on Jun. 24, 2012

  • While I understand the disdain of some above at your snooping... me, personally, I am VERY honest with my daughter from A to Z. She would be pissed that I was snooping (not something I would normally do but have done when in the past suspecting my own boyfriends - women's intuition is very powerful and accurate and sometimes it helps the decision making process to have evidence), but in the long run she would know that I did it to protect her. While it is true that she is an adult and needs to make her own mistakes like I did, she still respects my advice as her mother, whether or not she listens. The times she doesn't I continue to support her as her mother and am there without saying I told you so... (well, sometimes I say it but she already knows at that point).

    Just admit that you were wrong to snoop but explain why at the time you lost your head but the info is still what it is. Encourage her to not move in...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:28 AM on Jun. 24, 2012

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